A Modest Proposal

You may remember the cow fart data of some years back.
Certainly that was disgraceful.
It seems to be the case that we have forgotten our own contribution to the greenhouse effect.
Let's be straight about this as there is little less than the survival of the planet at risk.
Fess up:
How many times do you fart each day?
Now, I do not mean those days on which you choose to brave the other possibilities of munching at your local Mexican fast food establishment.
What about those days that you simply eat eggs for breakfast ( in whatever form).
What about those evenings that you indulge in cabbage, improperly cooked, due to a certain ethnic leaning.
Aye, what about your particular predilection for consuming hard boiled eggs and beer at the same sitting!
It's a bloody mess, you see!
Now, ye wee bairns, I'll fess up to farting as much as fifty times in a day and I believe myself to be a less than average farter.
Let's just think about those brothers that come from a vegetable based culture.
How many times a day do you think those birds are farting?
Ach, it's criminal!
Let's put this on a mathematical basis:
If every fart that is let go creates one square foot of farting energy And if there are 6.6 billion people on earth today ( we are not going to talk about the ancient farts at this point)
And if every one of those people farts twenty times per day (less than half of the acknowledged standard)
There will be 121.2 billion cubic feet of farts introduced into the atmosphere on any given day - disregarding Double Fajitas Fridays.
If the diameter of the earth is aboot 7926 miles
And the atmosphere is aboot 300 miles thick
Well, you can easily see that 121.2 billion cubic feet of farts has a tremendous effect.
This is not politics this is math.
So, what is my point?
I would caution all of you to refrain from possibly ecoterrorist dietary habits.
It should not be hard, unless you are Polish.
What you eat today is what we breathe tomorrow.
Think about it!
(EAT RESPONSIBLY - FART FOR TOMORROW)
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tom watson wrote:

Instead of refraining, we should encourage it. Collect the miasmic effluence and use the gas for constructive purposes - heating, powering generators, running cars, punishing family members and co- workers (yes, those can be positive experiences - at least for me).
"Damn! We're almost out of gas!" "Don't worry, honey, I have a burrito in the glove compartment."
We should all strive to do our fart...errr...part to produce our one universal renewable resource. Forget this build green stuff. Fart green and save the planet.
R
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RicodJour wrote:
| Fart green and save the planet.
Easily done. Lime jello before your next colonoscopy.
DAMHIKT, but consider the planet saved.
-- Morris Dovey DeSoto Solar DeSoto, Iowa USA http://www.iedu.com/DeSoto/solar.html
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Morris Dovey wrote:

Thanks for curing me of the desire to ever have Jello again!
R
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"tom watson" wrote in message

Reminds me of the news report I read concerning the enormous amount of farts put out by cows in China. And China decided to do some research on this. But they discovered that they did not have any technical people or scientists who were experts in this area.
So they set up a university program to cross train various individuals to do this work. And hopefully come up with a solution.
I thought this a bit strange.
Who would want to become a cow fart engineer/scientist?
And how do you make cows stop farting? Particularly since they have evolved into the perfect grass eating machines. I had visions of the farmers giving the cows daily gas tablets. Not terribly practical or economical.
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Lee Michaels wrote:

It's easier than becomming an accountant...
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and about as interesting...
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tom watson wrote:
| I would caution all of you to refrain from possibly ecoterrorist | dietary habits.
A wise man considers the consequences of every action.
Before I give it a try, I'd like to know what you've discovered to be the consequence(s) of not farting...
[ Oh. Never mind. ]
<g>
-- Morris Dovey DeSoto Solar DeSoto, Iowa USA http://www.iedu.com/DeSoto/solar.html
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I have encountered folks thgat do not fart, they hiss. I think there is democratic presidential candidate that hisses. So say the former employees of the sneator from New York carpetbagger.
wrote:

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Morris Dovey wrote:

Q. Why do men fart more than women? A. Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
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Just Wondering wrote:

Q. Why do women fart after taking a leak?
A. Since they cant shake it, they have to blow dry.
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wrote:

"TAE A FERT " "Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie "lurks in yer belly efter the feastie "just as ye sit doon among yer kin "there sterts to stir an enormous wind " "The neeps and tatties and mushy peas "stert working like a gentle breeze "but soon the puddin wi the sauncie face "will have ye blawin aw ower the place "nae matter whit the hell ye dae "a'bodys gonnae have tae pay "even if ye try to stifle "it's like a bullet oot a rifle " "Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair "tae try and stop the leakin air "shift yerself frae cheek tae cheek "pray tae God it disnae reek " "But aw yer efforts go assunder "oot it comes like a clap o' thunder "ricochets aroon the room "michty me a sonic boom! "hope I huvnae messed ma breeks "tae the bog I better scurry "Aw whit the hell it's no ma worry "a'body roon aboot me choking "wan or two are nearly bokin "I'll feel better for a while "cannae help but raise a smile "wis him! I shout with accusin glower "alas too late, he's just keeled ower "ye dirty bugger they shout and stare "I dinnae feel welcom any mair " "Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free "sounds like just the job fur me "whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty "ower the sake of wan wee ferty
Not mine but appropos.
Tom
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