You're not a real DIYer until --

  1. - 30. Check... except for 13, I dont f*ck up ;-) and 12. my inlaws don't / won't buy me presents :-(

Do I get a badge for my tool belt?

Reply to
TonyK
Loading thread data ...
  1. The Screwfix/Wickes mini catalogue becomes a permanent fixture next to the toilet
  2. You spend hours in work using Word to sketch out the DIY job for that weekend
  3. You have 7 tins of WD-40 in convienent locations around the house
  4. You buy things that you don't need but will look good in the toolbox
  5. The DIY store staff know your first name
  6. You know all of the different shades of white
  7. After 6 months of light DIYing, you think installing central heating is childsplay
  8. You've got the tradesman's 'sucking in of air, shaking the head and tutting' down to a tee
  9. You have a tool belt
  10. You know that rubbing a graphite pencil on a hinge will stop the squeak
  11. Sarah Beeny is your Pin-Up
  12. The DIY book the in-laws got you for christmas remains unopened, do they think you're a bloody amateur?!
  13. You've got the plumber's, electrician's and builder's mobile numbers in your phone in case of a DIY f*ck up.
  14. You're suspicius of proper tradesmen
  15. You have a trailer
  16. You buy a router to save money on 'expensive' tongue and grooving
  17. Use of the B&Q cafe is strictly prohibited, its for part-timers, not hardcore DIYers like yourself
  18. You think you don't need a spirit level. You do.
  19. You have a large collection of wood in the shed, just in case.
  20. You know what Denso tape is and what its used for
  21. 'Discovery Home and Leisure' and 'H&L +1' are in your Sky favourites
  22. Complete renovation of a cow shed doesn't faze you
  23. You have a compost bin
  24. Criticise professionals work in pubs and on holiday, calling them 'a bunch of cowboys'
  25. You have a tape measure in your car
  26. On a two-man job, its always the other persons fault
  27. You become a HSS Hire shop to all your mates
  28. You stop to appreciate your handywork at least once a day
  29. Your work is never done
  30. You can unscrew a screw with a hammer.

(shamelessly stolen from another group)

Reply to
Keith

Do bookmarked on-line trade only catalogues count instead?

Back of an envelope is more professional.

Mainly because I keep forgetting where I put the last one

Do I get extra points for actually using everything in there, even the unusual stuff?

They don't even see me. The blokes in the electrical wholesalers, plumbers' merchants and builders' merchants do know me though.

Only in fluorescent lighting tubes.

I think I put my first one in when I *was* a child.

Only when there is an audience

That's what the side pockets in Army surplus trousers are for.

Even better, I know which part of the hinge to rub it on.

Who? (See 21, I think)

Everyone who knows me has learned, from long experience, never to buy me anything that looks like it may be something to do with anything I am interested in.

Not necessary. I do a better job than they would anyway.

Too true

Do I get extra points for it being a 1400kg box van trailer that will take whole 8ft x 4ft sheets?

Invaluable tool that.

What is B&Q?

I have three, one short, one long and one laser on a tripod, just to check I got things right by eye. I always have.

In the spare bedroom actually. The shed is full.

There are people who don't?

Isn't that some form of television? Who gets time to watch television?

For use by people or by cows?

and a garden incinerator

Pubs? Holidays?

Probably, somewhere, among the other useful stuff

There are jobs that need two people?

You have mates after giving them the benefit of your opinion on their DIY?

More like every day I notice that little bit that I didn't get quite right, but which nobody else would even know was wrong.

I think you mean finished

I usually put them in that way, so why not?

Colin Bignell

Reply to
nightjar

But brilliant anyway.

Except - what is Sarah Beeny, Denso tapeand 'Discovery Home and Leisure' and 'H&L +1' ?

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

In my case I leave the tin of WD40 in the shed. The next time I need to get into the shed the padlock's gone a bit rusty....

Reply to
Frank Erskine

In theory we have a pair of scissors in every room.

Why does Einstein's theory work and ours doesn't?

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

Mammary mass-enhanced DIY show presenter on: 'Discovery Home and Leisure' (endlessly repeated DIY "how to" shows on satellite & cable) and

Erm, .. Ah, ... I don't know!

Keith

Reply to
Keith

Yep, I also forget where they are so keep plenty.

Have two toolbelts in fact but always forget to use the bloody things.

I still look in the Collins DIY manual today, I'm not ashamed.

No chance

Absolutely!

I wouldn't touch it but I'm sure it's probably better than the minced s**te purporting to be a sausage in a stale bun the hardcore DIY/Tradesman eat out of the mobile cafe outside.

I think DIY'ers use a level more often than tradesmen judging by the work I've seen.

And everytime you try to clear it out to make space you still can't let it go - it'll come in handy one day!

favourites

Yep. Sad, I know.

Yep

Nope, not anymore. HSS get their tools back and on time, I rarely did.

Reply to
StealthUK

Denso tape is gungy stuff you wrap around copper pipe before burying it in concrete or plaster.

Can't help with the others though.

Colin Bignell

Reply to
nightjar

Like the time the bloody couriers shut the garage door in such a way as to jam it securely. And guess where the crowbar was? Now moved inside to understair cupboard both on this and security reasons. I eventually solved the jam by the judicious and carefull application of brute force and much grunting*.

Peter

  • I am convinced that human grunting has a lubricating effect.
Reply to
Peter Ashby

And the straw has always gone missing.

M.

Reply to
Markus Splenius

LOL

Of course, a real DIYer wouldn't admit to ANY of this being true. a'hem... ;-)

Andy

Reply to
Pecanfan

but the Collins "Complete DIY Manual" is the sign of an amateur (c;

LJ

Reply to
in2minds

  1. You've done ten rounds against dIMM in the "Are combis unconditionally the correct solution?" title fight.

MBQ

Reply to
manatbandq

Is that to stop people using it to get in, or so you can grab it on the way to the door? :-)

Reply to
Rob Morley

You make me wish we had a television.

I tell lies.

I admire honesty though :-)

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

"nightjar .uk.com>"

Oh that stuff, thanks. I didn't know it had a name ... apart from 'that gungy stuff ... ' etc.

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

The answer of genuine expert.

Colin Bignell

Reply to
nightjar

"nightjar .uk.com>"

If you live with 'em long enough ...

Mary who only associates with the best

Reply to
Mary Fisher

Both, since people other than myself close the garage door and there is no accounting for other people's incompetence. What of course is more infuriating is that said others are actively disinterested in discovering how easy it is to close said door without jamming it. Such miscreants are however quick to complain to yours truly when it is stuck. /end rant.

Peter

Reply to
Peter Ashby

HomeOwnersHub website is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.