What I did on my holidays.

[Huge]

Yes, really. I'm on holiday this week, supposedly fitting a new master bathroom.

We have what is euphemistically known as "private drainage" here. The system is nearly 30 years old, so it's not exactly "state of the art". The fresh toilet flushings (and everything else) goes into a settlement/digestion system called a "Klargester", (readers will have seen those large green fibreglass spheres on trucks; that's what they are). Once the solids have settled out, the "grey water" flows by gravity into a concrete holding tank, where it's pumped out by a float operated submerisible pump into a ditch in the farmer's field next door. (This is no longer legal, BTW). I dug out the pipe end a couple of weeks ago, in case it was full of roots or something. (Spent an hour in the ditch thinking "Please Ghod, don't let me fall over"). The pump's been dicky for a few weeks, tripping the RCD and/or not switching on when the tank's full.

I rebuilt the pump about 10 years ago, and swore I'd replace it when it next went bang. This morning, the tank was full and the pump silent. No amount of percussive maintenance had any effect, so I dug up (literally

- it's under the lawn) the submersible junction box and found there was no electricity there. The RCD was OK, so I check the fuse. Nothing. Replace the fuse. Pop. Back to the junction box and the pump's a short circuit. I'm not rebuilding it again, so I call the place it came from. £200 for a replacement. Not that bad. The old one was £235, 13 years ago. Haul the old pump out, and realise that the exit pipe isn't actually black. It's yellow. Replace pump. The stainless steel Jubilee clips I used before have a singular problem - the screw mechanism *isn't* stainless, so the bands are shiney and the screw mechanism has corroded away. Pump out tank. Adjust float switch. Shorten pipe. The new pump has a different exit arrangement to the old one. (Flygt pumps are apparently long gone. Good, given their level of cutomer service the last time I needed parts.) The new one is Italian, which inspires confidence.

So, I'm shattered and slightly malodorous. My wife painted the bathroom ceiling, so the day hasn't been a complete loss.

Why do we do this?

[Mary Fisher]

I'd like to think I could remember that phrase ...

er ... ?

Or is it that you might not be around next time it fails?

(1) Because it's there. And it's not going to go away.

(2) Because it's a challenge.

(3) Because it would cost money to get some else to do it.

(4) Because you had rising ... er ... damp.

(5) Because your wife says you have to.

Perm any two from four - as long as you include (5).

Mary

[Andy Hall]

Because it's better than going to Butlins... or is it Centerparcs these days?

Semper in Excretum. Sed alto variat.

.andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

[Huge]

[39 lines snipped]

Am I the only one who rents holiday cottages and takes tools with me?

*grin*

[Huge]

The italians are not renowned for their engineerins skills.

And I've owned an Alfa Romeo, so I know this.

[Grunff]

Heh...

When we moved here, the waste pipe from the house emptied into a 5' cube brick lined pit in the garden. The pit hadn't been emptied in 20-some years. The previous owners insisted that this is fine, and it never needs emptying (sets up a self cleaning system :-). The overflow from the pit went straight into a ditch.

It's taken us a while to get round to replacing it, but we have. In the meantime, the pit needed regular 'digging out', to allow it to drain away sufficiently. Seemed to happen more often around xmas time for some reason. Nice.

Someone has to...

[OxSc]

The English are not renowned for their engineering skills.

And I've owned a Montego, so I know this.

[Mary Fisher]

That's what I thought - so your tongue had shifted?

Mary

[Mary Fisher]

If we rented cottages we would.

Mary

[Huge]

I pay little or no attention to those with no spine.

Go away.

[John Laird]

Hmm, a Ferrari engine is not a work of art in your book, then ?

[Yes, yes, the exception that proves the rule, and all that.]

[Huge]

Unless they have changed significantly for the better in recent years, Ferraris are terrible cars. I have seen them needing full body restoration after only 4 or 5 years. Clutches in 512BBs only last a few thousand miles. The 36,000 mile service on a 360 requires the removal of the engine (which is why you see so many for sale at that age).

Works of art? Most certainly. Examples of engineering excellence? I think not. If you want a supercar for everyday use, buy a Porsche.

[Grunff]

One day my dream of owning a 928 will come true. Then all I'll have to do is develop really long skinny arms for working on it.

[Mary Fisher]

The only German car we ever had - given to us - was a Volkswagen. It was noisy and uncomfortable and if you flushed out and changed the oil it gave out the filthiest smoke imaginable for the next few months.

Spouse has a less than one year old Piaggo (sp?) Zip scooter. It's on its second speedo sender and it looks as though that won't last long.

That's the only Italian engineering we know of.

It's all we want to know of.

Mary

[Huge]

And save up lots and lots of money. Parts are monstrously expensive. The

924 Turbo I owned some years ago put me off "cheap" Porsches. There's no such thing.

[Andy Hall]

That's all a Porsche is really..... the pedals come out of the floor and the engine's in the boot.

.andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

[stefek.zaba]

[Grunff]

The 928 is supposed to be significantly more expensive to keep than a

911. But it's also a very, very nice car. That lovely aluminium v8. Mmm...

[Jerry.]

Now I know you're talking rubbish, nice as an ego enhancer may be, nice as a car / engineering example - you have got to be joking...

[John Laird]

Since I can only afford the Dinky equivalents (do they still make those, oh well, Burago or whatever), it is somewhat academic. However, if I did have the money, I would probably not give a gnat's chuff about some minor repair bills that necessitated sacking one or two servants for a month or so. I would still choose the one with the spine-tingling exhaust note and the prancing horse on the front. [Oh, and I'd employ that naughty Vicky double-barrel to show me how to drive it too.]

All that teutonic perfection can be a little boring. Besides, no matter how good the bits are, stuffing the engine in completely the wrong place and then spending a couple of decades adding enough technology to make it work rather takes the edge off. YMMV ;-)