TOT how do you first realise you are drunk?

[Bill Wright]

With me, it's one of the following:

1. The woman reading the news on Sky News gets very attractive
2. The bottom of the lavatory bowl seems to move towards and away from me
3. My piss stream amuses me
4. The left side of my upper lip twitches
5. It seems feasible to repair the body rot on the motorhome
6. I start to fry bacon
7. I decide that another pint and then a rum won't do any harm
8. I walk with my fingers brushing against the doors and walls, and feel that this puts power into my body
9. I go on Facebook and alienate a lot of people
10. I listen to an American C & W station.

Later:

1. There's something wrong with my eyes
2. I wish I hadn't eaten all that bacon and sausage and mushrooms
3. Must get this uneven floor fixed
4. The rapid sideways movement of the bedroom ceiling must surely be illusory, and why am I dressed?

Bill

[Mike Barnes]

A friend of mine told me she was allergic to leather. Her evidence: whenever she woke up with her shoes on, she had a headache.

[stuart noble]

The woman in the kebab shop gets very attractive

[F Murtz]

Yes all those things and I don't drink alcohol.

[Tim Lamb]

Sadly a single glass of wine with supper causes such a volume change in my snoring that sharing a bed becomes a problem:-(

[charles]

try 2 - or even 3 - to see if it acts as a silencer>

[Tim Streater]

The mere existence of such stations, never mind listening to them, should be a capital offence.

[Bob Eager]

Unfortunately our neighbours have started playing C&W in their garden. New boyfriend of the woman who lives there I think. Still trying to think of a legal way of 'fixing' that.

We keep showing the cats pictures of cockerels as they have one of those too. They seem to be slowly dealing with the rabbits.

[Tim Streater]

Talk to your districk councillor about noise nuisance? Always best if the issue can be mediated - have you spoken to them about it?

[billyorange007]

Not as annoying as those prats driving around with all windows open and stereo wound up to the max playing some infernal disco music ( I presume its disco music)

I'm always tempted to wind down all my windows and give Classic FM a good blast

[ARW]

Don't use a pint glass then:-)

[dave]

[Davey]

I was once stuck in a traffic queue where the car behind the one behind me was doing that, and my rearview mirror was shaking in time to the drumbeats. Goodness knows what the car between us was suffering.

The Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders Pipe Band is even better for this purpose.