Tannoy

[John]

Heard in B&Q today. "Could we have a male member at the checkout please"

Followed by: "We are still waiting for a male member"

[Owain]

"John" wrote | Heard in B&Q today. "Could we have a male member at the checkout please" | Followed by: "We are still waiting for a male member"

This is blatant sex descrimination and I'm surprised they haven't been pulled up for it. Why do the blokes have to do all the heavy lifting?

"Male assistant or Maud the ladies heavy throw champion to checkout six please"

I hate shopping in B&Q, it's like being in an airport. I have been tempted on several occasions to commandeer a publically-accessible microphone and make my own announcements ;-)

"Attention shoppers. Today is '50% off for all ukdiy subscribers' day."

Owain

[tony sayer]

In article , Bill writes

Same as where I worked once,

"Can Sandra Wood come in reception"

With a great chorus of "Oh no she can't" or " she wood if she could but she can't" from the male members on the shop floor!.

Poor girl took it all with good grace....

[Dave Liquorice]

Or at a certain training establishment not a million miles from Evesham where the standard form of PA call was "Telephone call for Mr , Mr ". Peter Niss was quite popular, I forget the others. B-)

[Bill]

In message , John writes

Reminds me of a PA, not made by Tannoy, announcement that the switchboard operator was conned into making at a factory in Cambridge where I worked for a while. We had various stores, one was for small hand tools.. " Would John Thomas please return to the small tool store"

[G&M]

Ivor Biggun

[John Rumm]

Mike Hunt

[Lurch]

On Fri, 16 Jul 2004 23:38:56 GMT, dave strung together this:

Sorry, that's obviously one for the older generation! Could I have an explanation please?

[Steve]

one from the net

Excellent handling of a difficult situation! An award should go to the Ansett Airlines gate attendant in Sydney for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled after Ansett's 767s had been with drawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS." The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Ansett attendant, gritted his teeth and said. "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too".

[dave]

I've a factory one from the 70's... A young apprentice called the (female) switchboard op to ask for a tannoy call for "Randy Williams to go to the substation". The actual called went out as "Would Mr. Randall Williams please to go to the substation". A few things about this... a) The bloke's name really was "Randall". (Well done that girl) b) No-one knew who "*Mr* Randall Williams was"! c) Girls knew what "Randy" really meant. d) ... the apprentice didn't! e) Guess who the apprentice was. (Yeah right)!

[Mungo Henning]

A friend went to another friend's company and managed to use a fake Scandinavian accent to introduce himself. The dotty receptionist must've had a hard day because she didn't spot the joke so she phoned through to her boss and said "There's a Hugh Jars in reception for you"!

Mungo

P.S. Before you know it we'll regurgitate other classics like the wedding announcement between someone from Africa and someone from Scotland which was printed in a local paper. The surnames of the allegedly hitched parties were "Mbosa" and "Ritchie" :-)

[Terry]

OK; then there was the National Serviceman whose surname was Rhea (properly pronounced "Ray") assigned to the Royal Artillery. The platoon sergeant took great delight in always referring to him in manner which describes a certain as sexually transmitted disease, which starting with the letter "G" when spoken ends in "..rear". As in "Gunner-rear report to ........ "!

Worked in a factory in Liverpool when early forms of plastic wiring were introduced in early 1950s. The wire ends were heated and then the insulation stripped off many hundreds of wires of each preassembled wire 'form' or 'wire harness'. The machine was set up on a raised platform in middle of the wiring shop. A very nice/competent girl was selected to operate it, who, in no time at all, was dubbed 'The hot stripper".

And then there was Bill ...... a very nice guy who always had trouble pronouncing both "Ps" in Propane so it alway's came out as "Profane gas ...... ".

[Colin Wilson]

Reminds me of a handle I used on CB radio at the tender age of about 12.

"Gunner"...

Always wondered why some conversations never started for laughter as soon as I said "gunner `ere"

[Pete C]

[Owain]

"Terry" wrote | The machine was set up on a raised platform in middle of the wiring | shop. A very nice/competent girl was selected to operate it, who, | in no time at all, was dubbed 'The hot stripper".

One place I work intended to replace its helpdesk fault tracking system with a product from Bendata. Insufficient licences were to be purchased to allow everyone to log in simulataneously, and I was looking forward to asking one or two of my colleages "Are you on HEAT today?"

Owain

[Jet]

rof