Yes, I got one of these calls today, it was asking me how many Sky boxes I had and would only take yes/no answers. Since this had some novelty value (now worn off), I played with it, trying to find out how good its voice recognition was. Surprisingly good actually. The moral is that it looks like the end of the line for telesales _people_ as this system must work out cheaper.
Pete .......................................................................... . never trust a man who, when left alone ...... Pete Lynch . . in a room with a tea cosy ...... Marlow, England . . doesn't try it on (Billy Connolly) .....................................
Ignore their questions and ask them their full name, the name of their supervisor, the name and address of the company that they work for and the name and address of the company whose product they are trying to sell, when you have all of these then tell them that you subscribe to TPS and will be reporting all concerned. Refuse to be drawn back to their script and insist that they give you the answers you want before proceeding to the next question, after all their paying for the call.
Start talking normally, then suddenly scream, shout "No, the knife" and drop a few pans and things on the floor and make gurgling noises. Then sit very quietly.
"Mr King? Mr King, are you alright?" They sounded really worried!
Alternatively, the "Stream of consciousness" method.
"Oooh, I'm so glad you called. I've been stuck in this flat all on my own for days 'cos my leg hurts so much and it's so good to have someone to talk to after all, the doctor won't come out and the district nurse only stays about two minutes and the neighbours are ever so good but never stay long enough for a good long natter and I'm had such trouble with my waterjbexes and then theres the sciatica and did I tell you the man over the road's spying on my with his WWP aerial and even though I've knitted some bloomers and a hat out of fine silver wire to keep out the rays he's still looking into my head and putting in all sorts of dirty thoughts about the vicar I mean some of the things I've been thinking about haven't even got a name for or at least not a name I've ever heard and the vicar's such a nice man though that wife of his is dreadful it can't be right to go out wearing those sorts of clothes when you're the vicar's wife even in the summer and certainly not when it's not far of freezing and there's an east wind blowing but then that seems to be the sort of thing they do these days I blame the soaps on TV 'cos they're all run by the drug companies to make people depressed so they need more drugs to keep them happy but the government and the aliens behind it tell them to make people wear less clothes to get us ready for global warming which is all a plot by the aliens so that the worlds warm enough to suit their reptile natures 'cos they're all lizards, and I don't mean lounge lizards like that George Lazenby though he wasn't as good as Roger Moore but the best Bond was Sean Canary but he's a Freemason and we all know what they're like they're hand in glove with the other aliens, the ones that are trying to stop the lizard men they look like little goldfish in fact that was what they masqueraded as for years being given away to little children at fairs so as to spread their influence across the world before making their play for world domination did you know that their bowls are that shape because it focuses waves in the ether that they use to communicate with their space ships which are all in orbit around Venus which isn't the hot sulphurous planet they're now pretending it is but more like the Perelandra all wet and fishy which is why they live there in the first place though it isn't really their home world at all and they use the National Grid to control the thoughts of anyone wearing a bicycle helmet so anyone wearing a helmet is under the control of the aliens but they don't know it all the helmet factories in the world are under the control of the fish people who make their money by collecting all the lost socks from the insides of tumble dryers and selling them at car boot sales but not washing machines that franchise is owned by the frog people who are their sworn enemies.... HELLO ARE YOU STILL THERE?"
|I am a TPS (telephone preference service) subscriber which means nobody is |supposed to phone me trying to sell the usual cr@p. |Although it works well, I am getting a lot of calls from abroad where they |cannot be held to account...however I have a new game which helps me |suppress my anger at these scumbags. |When they call, I answer their questions for about twenty seconds, then tell |them there is somebody at the door and would they hold on. I start the |stopwatch, put the phone on mute and speakerphone, get on with what I was |doing and listen for the hello, hello, are you there ? beeeeeep. |My current record stands at 4m 07seconds from (by the accent) India. |Can anyone beat it, or have a better gotcha?
I have several killer comments which are guaranteed to shut them up, all of them more or less true. When they are trying to sell me adverts in local papers, I say "that would be no use for customers in Chile". Was that your computer which rang me a minute ago, and hung up before I could answer it? No I am with ???? (a competitor) and so on.
The message from snipped-for-privacy@bigmailbox.net contains these words:
I had a stand-up row with a BG door to door salesman who started his spiel "This is just a courtesy call" "Excuse me, I don't like being lied to particularly on my own doorstep" "Pardon, what lie?" "You're not making a courtesy call, this is a doorstep sales call"
Eventually he went away in a huff. A few weeks later another one was back again, but this time at least didn't lie the moment he opened his mouth. Got chatting to him[1] and he said the previous incumbent had left under a cloud.
[1] Long and involved story about why I wouldn't touch BG if they were the only gass supplier in town.
LOL! You really think you would be able to get all that info? They hang up before you have anywhere near enough.
On the Indian call centers I constantly repeat "I'm sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying"
One chap we did have a great larff with. We passed him from one of us to the other pretending to be different departments while standing the phone by the radio for a few minutes before passing him on again.
That one went on for 4minutes 30s or so before he hung up.
Recently I've had some pratt from the bank repeatedly ringing me out of hours to discuss how they can "assist my business to expand".
They always start off by saying "I'm Jo Bloggs calling from...." at which point I interrupt them with "No you're not".
This always seems to throw them as they will then try to prove that they really are who they claim to be, to which I respond by dismissing the "proof" they offer - such as by pointing out the bank is closed.
This can go on for quite a while if I'm /really/ bored.
Mine once filled its tape with 30 minutes of "You have won a holiday in Florida...press 9 to claim your prize. (pause) You have won a holiday in Florida...press 9 to claim your prize..."
I usually find that as soon as you start asking those Qs, they smell a rat and ring off sharpish. I'm usually changing the baby's nappy, and ask them to hold..................................
I had this one a couple of weeks ago. I instantly reported it to TPS. Got a replty back stating they'd passed it to OFCOM. they also stated they only dealt with manual calls. This seems to be a serious loophole.
My answerphone message once said "Hi this is Dave Fawthrop's anti salesperson device. If I would want to talk to you leave a message, salespersons should ring off now"
Well indeed but you aren't getting at the company you are just getting at the caller who gets paid for the number of calls they make. The company isn't hurt at all and a low-waged person in a shit job just gets less money. That's why I don't succumb to temptation and always hang up politely but firmly and instantly.
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