Mice

[Bill]

4 thin slices of smoked ham, and Gruyere cheese Flour eggwash (milk and eggs) seasoned bread crumbs 1 onion minced salt pepper butter olive oil

Pound the breasts flat (parboil first if using umbilical cords so they won?t be tough). Place a slice of ham and cheese on each, along with some minced onion then fold in half, trimming neatly. Dredge in flour, eggwash, then seasoned breadcrumbs; allow to sit for a few minutes. Sauté in butter and olive oil until golden brown, about 6 minutes on each side.

Shish Kababes

As old as the hills, this technique has employed seafood, beef, pork, lamb, poultry, and vegetables; just about anything can be grilled, and young humans are no exception!

High quality marinade (Teriyaki and garlic perhaps)

1 inch cubes of tender meat, preferably from the nursery Onions bell peppers Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight. Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers. Don?t be afraid to use a va

[The Natural Philosopher]

Drop it in battery acid.

[Tony Williams]

[s]

She's very trustworthy with people, walks around the local old peoples home every week, off the lead, visiting her fans. Apparently many rescued dogs are the same.

[Ian Stirling]

cover, stick a cooking thermometer deep into one of the baby?s buttocks and cook uncovered till thermometer reads 190°, about another hour.

Pro-Choice Po-Boy

Soft-shelled crabs serve just as well in this classic southern delicacy. The sandwich originated in New Orleans, where an abundance of abortion clinics thrive and hot French bread is always available.

2 cleaned fetuses, head on 2 eggs 1 tablespoon yellow mustard 1 cup seasoned flour oil enough for deep frying 1 loaf French bread Lettuce tomatoes mayonnaise, etc.

Marinate the fetuses in the egg-mustard mixture. Dredge thoroughly in flour. Fry at 375° until crispy golden brown. Remove and place on paper towels.

Holiday Youngster

One can easily adapt this recipe to ham, though as presented, it violates no religious taboos against swine.

1 large toddler or small child, cleaned and de-headed Kentucky Bourbon Sauce (see index) 1 large can pineapple slices Whole cloves

Place him (or ham) or her in a large glass baking dish, buttocks up. Tie with butcher string around and across so that he looks like he?s crawling. Glaze, then arrange pineapples and secure with cloves. Bake uncovered in 350° oven till thermometer reaches 160°.

Cajun Babies

Just like crabs or crawfish, babies are boiled alive! You don?t

[Ian Stirling]

Deep-fat-fryer?

[Dave Liquorice]

each of meat, gravy, and cheese. Then bake at 350° for 45 minutes. Serve on hot pasta with romano cheese.

Southern Fried Small-fry

Tastes like fried chicken, which works just as well. In fact you may want to practice cutting up whole chickens for frying before you go for the real thing. Whole chicken is much more efficient and inexpensive than buying pieces.

1 tiny human, cut into pieces 2 cups flour Onion, garlic Salt pepper garlic powder cayenne pepper hot sauce, etc. Oil for frying

Mix milk, eggs, hot sauce in a bowl, add chopped onion and garlic. Season the meat liberally, and marinate for several hours. Place seasoned flour in a paper or plastic shopping bag, drop pieces in a few a time, shake to coat thoroughly, then deep fry in hot oil (350°) for about 15 minutes. Drain and place on paper towels.

Miscarriage with Mustard Greens

Why waste it? Otherwise, and in general, use ham or salt pork to season greens. The technique of smothering greens can be used with many vegetables; green beans work especially well. Meat is not necessary every day, don?t be afraid to alter any dish to vegetarian tastes.

1 premature baby, born dead Large bunch of mustard greens 2 white onions, 1 cup chopped celery Vegetable oil (or hog fat) Salt, pepper, garlic, etc.

Lightly brown onions, celery, garlic and meat in large heavy pot. Add a little water and the greens (which should be thoroughly cleaned and washed). Smother slowly for at least 2 hours, adding small amounts of water when it starts to stick. Stir frequently. When ready - serve with rice, grilled smoked sausage, green salad, and iced tea. Coffee and apple pie then brandy.

Maternity Ward Pot Luck Dinner

If you can?t get anything fresh from the hospital, nursery, or morgue; you can at least get rid of all the leftovers in your refrigerator.

1 - 2 lbs. cubed meat (human flesh, chicken, turkey, beef...) 1 -2

[Tony Williams]

parsley fresh cracked black pepper

Season and sauté the cutlets in olive oil till golden brown, remove. Add the garlic and onions and cook down a bit. Add some lemon juice and some zest, then de-glaze with stock. Add a little cornstarch (dissolved in cold water) to the sauce. You are just about there, Pour the sauce over the cutlets, top with parsley, lemon slices and cracked pepper. Serve with spinach salad, macaroni and cheese (homemade) and iced tea...

Spaghetti with Real Italian Meatballs

If you don?t have an expendable bambino on hand, you can use a pound of ground pork instead. The secret to great meatballs, is to use very lean meat.

1 lb. ground flesh; human or pork 3 lb. ground beef 1 cup finely chopped onions 7 - 12 cloves garlic 1 cup seasoned bread crumbs ½ cup milk, 2 eggs Oregano basil salt pepper Italian seasoning, etc. Tomato gravy (see index) Fresh or at least freshly cooked spaghetti or other pasta

Mix the ground meats together in a large bowl, then mix each of the other ingredients. Make balls about the size of a baby?s fist (there should be one lying around for reference). Bake at 400°for about 25 minutes - or you could fry them in olive oil. Place the meatballs in the tomato gravy, and simmer for several hours. Serve on spaghetti. Accompany with green salad, garlic bread and red wine.

Newborn Parmesan

This classic Sicilian cuisine can easily be turned into Eggplant Parmesan If you are planning a vegetarian meal. Or you could just as well use veal - after all, you have to be careful - Sicilians are touchy about their young family members...

6 newborn or veal cutlets Tomato gravy (see index) 4 cups mozzarella, 1cup parmesan, 1cup romano Seasoned bread crumbs mixed with parmesan romano salt pepper

[Huge]

this technique has employed seafood, beef, pork, lamb, poultry, and vegetables; just about anything can be grilled, and young humans are no exception!

High quality marinade (Teriyaki and garlic perhaps)

1 inch cubes of tender meat, preferably from the nursery Onions bell peppers Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight. Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers. Don?t be afraid to use a variety of meats. Grill to medium rare, serve with garlic cous-cous and sautéed asparagus. Coffee and sherbet for desert then walnuts, cheese, and port. Cigars for the gentlemen (and ladies if they so desire)!

Crock-Pot Crack Baby

When the quivering, hopelessly addicted crack baby succumbs to death, get him immediately butchered and into the crock-pot, so that any remaining toxins will not be fatal. But don?t cook it too long, because like Blowfish, there is a perfect medium between the poisonous and the stimulating. Though it may not have the same effect on your guests, a whole chicken cooked in this fashion is also mighty tasty.

1 newborn - cocaine addicted, freshly expired, cleaned and butchered Carrots onions leeks celery bell pepper potatoes Salt pepper garlic, etc 4 cups water

Cut the meat into natural pieces and brown very well in olive oil, remove, then brown half of the onions, the bell pepper, and celery. When brown, mix everything into the crock-pot, and in 6 to 8 hours you have turned a hopeless tragedy into a heartwarming meal!

George?s Bloody Mary

Don?t shy away from this one, it is simply a cocktail variation of good old Blood Stew. When a pig is killed, its throat is slit and those present quaff a cup of hot blood to soften the wintry air. From the dawn of man to th

[raden]

of tender meat, preferably from the nursery Onions bell peppers Wooden or metal skewers

Marinate the meat overnight. Get the grill good and hot while placing meat, vegetables, and fruit such as pineapples or cherries on the skewers. Don?t be afraid to use a variety of meats. Grill to medium rare, serve with garlic cous-cous and sautéed asparagus. Coffee and sherbet for desert then walnuts, cheese, and port. Cigars for the gentlemen (and ladies if they so desire)!

Crock-Pot Crack Baby

When the quivering, hopelessly addicted crack baby succumbs to death, get him immediately butchered and into the crock-pot, so that any remaining toxins will not be fatal. But don?t cook it too long, because like Blowfish, there is a perfect medium between the poisonous and the stimulating. Though it may not have the same effect on your guests, a whole chicken cooked in this fashion is also mighty tasty.

1 newborn - cocaine addicted, freshly expired, cleaned and butchered Carrots onions leeks celery bell pepper potatoes Salt pepper garlic, etc 4 cups water

Cut the meat into natural pieces and brown very well in olive oil, remove, then brown half of the onions, the bell pepper, and celery. When brown, mix everything into the crock-pot, and in 6 to 8 hours you have turned a hopeless tragedy into a heartwarming meal!

George?s Bloody Mary

Don?t shy away from this one, it is simply a cocktail variation of good old Blood Stew. When a pig is killed, its throat is slit and those present quaff a cup of hot blood to soften the wintry air. From the dawn of man to this day, human

[Tony Williams]

[snip]

That post was a complete fake, not sent by me.

[mich]

You could also try encouraging your local neighbourhood fox or vixen around the property instead of hunting them to death! I have found since a vixen has been crossing my land I have had less trouble. I also have a cat ( house version) who keeps the blighters at bay!

[Mike Hibbert]

I think the latest Cliff Richard CD at full volume will teach them a lesson!

[Bob Eager]

It's a good thing Mary's away...

[The Natural Philosopher]

I think they are coded messages to al qeada sleeprs, telling them how to make turkey roast.

Can't be arsed to work out who has faked the headers.

[Mike Dodd]

Going OT, however, you'll find that many birds will gang up on birds of prey to get them out of the area before they have to roost. My parents were involved for some time with the care of Owls (please don't get going on the ethics of captive animals), however, one escaped and being a captive-breed was unable to fend for itself, and was harassed from place to place by the local bird population, from sparrows to crows.

I also have vague memories as a child of some BoP bringing its quarry down in the back garden - the only reason we knew of that was the din from all the birds who materialised on the scene. Just goes to show that its a dog-eat-dog (or bird-eat-bird) world out there.

Mike

[Owain]

"The Natural Philosopher" wrote | Tony Williams wrote: | > That post was a complete fake, not sent by me. | I think they are coded messages to al qeada sleeprs, telling | them how to make turkey roast.

First seen in uk.comp.linux. | Can't be arsed to work out who has faked the headers.

I wish somebody could.

Owain

[S Viemeister]

In the travel groups, too.

Sheila

[Grimly Curmudgeon]

It was somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember Paul Mc Cann saying something like:

Been doing a bit of mouse-catching myself, recently. The traditional traps work well if baited with the dog-treat called 'Scmackos' and I've also been using a couple of the new plastic traps. Woohoo... hair trigger things and no chance of the mice backing off in time to escape.

[Ian Stirling]

I have been asked to reconsider my previous reply. There is a much better solution, kinder to animals. Use a humane trap, and give the cat a christmas present too.

[Dave Liquorice]

If you do evict the mouse bear in mind that releasing vermin (mice are vermin) is illegal unless it's your land. Then remember that mice will find their way back in quicker than you if you release them at the bottom of the average garden.

We do evict any little vistors we get and transport them to a wooded area on a fell top several miles from the nearest habitation. Not many places in the UK have such isolated areas.