If you're going to complain at B&Q.......

[Lurch]

.....hand them this letter.

OPEN LETTER TO B&Q Customer Services

Dear Sir/Madam

My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72 days later.

Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?

Yours Sincerely

Incidentally, I'm banned from all B&Q stores. I went into one the other day for some side cutters and a couple of drill bits. This little wanker comes up to me and says "You want decking?" So I nutted the bastard before he had chance to get the first punch in!

[Mike]

I notice some footage of her with her toolbox. Couldn't see a single PPPro tool in sight.

[Madmucks]

You owe me for some dry cleaning!

[Lurch]

On Thu, 10 Feb 2005 23:17:24 -0000, "Mike" strung together this:

She probably threw it overboard after realising none of it was any use for anything other than stirring her tea, unless it had sugar in, in which case it struggled.