How to improve a problem ceiling

[Steve]

Hi.

My kitchen ceiling is a mess. It has uneven plasterboards - i.e. not level, so there are ridges of 2-3mm at the joints. It is painted over with a thin coat of some sort of textured paint. There are some 'cosmetic' wooden beams (which the wife likes) bolted over it. The consumer unit is in one corner, flush up to ceiling level.

I'd like to improve this. The ideal solution would be for a plasterer to skim it, but with the kitchen units, worktops and sink, access to the ceiling would be extremely difficult. I don't mind if it's not perferect - not having the ridges or textured paint are my main aims.

Any ideas on how I could improve it? Cheers.

Steve

[Bruce]

Don't underestimate the abilities of a plasterer. Why not ask one for a quote?

A relative of mine had a kitchen ceiling which sounded a bit like yours

- it had been Artexed in the 80s and looked atrocious. The plasterer used a product that is specially made to restore a smooth appearance over a textured surface - I think it was itself an Artex product!

Anyway, the finished job looks great and the plasterer managed to work around what was already there.

[martin_pentreath]

I see a conspiracy theory here. Artex spend the 70s and 80s ruining the nation's ceilings with grotesque textured "bark-effect" patterns (not to mention the stippled and swirly ones). Once the world comes to its senses and discovers the good taste to be embarrassed they reveal that they, and only they, have the magical cure ...

[Bruce]

One day, the pendulum may swing the other way, and the unmistakable swirls of Artex will be seen again. I hope not, though!

;-)

[Alang]

I have artexed swirly ceilings. In when we bought the place. Doesn't bother me in the least. I don't spend my time on my back staring at the ceiling.

I don't mind polystyrene ceiling tiles either

[PeterC]

I liked the spikey Artex - on a low ceiling I could scratch me 'ed.

[Bruce]

Oh dear, looks like it's on the way back! ;-)

[gazz]

Of course you don't, your not a woman,

[Alang]

Or a drunk :)

Leave the poor girl alone

[Tim S]

martin [e-mail] coughed up some electrons that declared:

I think artex the medium is not entirely to blame. My ceiling is artexed in what I think they call a "broken leather" pattern and it's fine. A gentle non repeating texture (rather than a specific pattern).

I do agree though that some of the patterns from the 70's were hideous, but that's not solely the product's fault, any more than it was Dulux's fault that my bungalow's original colour scheme apparantly consisted of hideous off yellows and purples and browns, now I've pulled the wallpaper off.

Remember when everyone laughed at flared trousers and long hair on boys - have a look outside :)

Cheers

Tim

[martin_pentreath]

Ah well, be grateful for it. I have an ongoing internal conflict between being a dreadful snob about matters of aethetics, and being incurably mean. When it comes to ceilings the snooty side always seems to win.

Cheers!

Martin

[The Medway Handyman]

So have I and I agree, nothing wrong with them.

Nah, can't stand them.

[Alang]

I'm going to put them on my bay window to insulate the roof

[Huge]

We have "broken leather - laced" in the sitting room, and that's fine. OTOH, the kitchen ceiling was some kind of spikey swirl which we've had plastered over.