I tried a few of these heatloss calculators and, like you, I got values all over the place.
Mine's a chapel conversion with a double-height main area, very high ceilinged downstairs rooms, whilst part of the upstairs room follows the roofline - i.e all stuff that an online calculator won't follow well.
In the end, I had a think about "how many 2kW fan heaters to pull this room up to temperature from cold, on a very cold day" - i.e I pretty much went for my gut feeling for what sort of heat output I wanted for each radiator. Then added a bit.
Then had a think about what physical size of rad would fit each location. Then went round again and worked out what standard size of rad I could use in as many locations as possible. Then worked out how to get them in heat-pack deal from an online supplier.
Finally result had virtually nothing to do with the calculated size, other than its somewhat bigger.
Boiler I ended up buying a long way in advance of all of this - sizing based on similar "big enough and add a bit".
The insulation levels are now also considerably higher than originally planned (but depending on the weather, there may be drafts from the under-building void through the original timber boards downstairs).
The final outcome? Cosy, and very modest bills indeed.
My conclusions - the calcs are more using for giving plumbing students something to do in their college exams - and estimates based on personal impressions are as good, when considering a problem without a comprehensive set of accurate values to base calculations on.