Ummm....
1 - Calculate the flow out of a 28mm pipe over N seconds.
2 - Freeze pipe or not
3 - Apply circular pipe cutter & circular pipe deburrer
4 - Quickly fit an OPEN push-fit lever ball valve
5 - Turn push-fit ball valve OFF
Interspersed between 3 and 4 will be a period of time...
The period of time may be short, punctuated solely by some light splashing. The period of time may be long, punctuated by screams, sobbing, underwear filling and Mr James Cameron coming around to do some test shoots for Titanic-II & The-Abyss-II. If he arrives in a yellow submarine shaped thing, just consider what the wife is going to put you in.
You could make a wood frame for the area, lining with 500mil plastic sheet securely fixed, with tank connector fitted to a low point to
15mm hose pushed over a stub of copper down the stairs. Water will spray even from a gravity feed so all but the front will have to be higher than the pipe being cut. Trap the plastic between the frame & wall (drill, plug, screw).
Goggles, breathing apparatus and dry suit are optional. Waterproof phone to the plumber may be useful, but their response time may be delayed by raucous laughter at the other end. Telephoning a vet may be quicker and more fruitful, if only to remove the objects the wife is going to shove into every orifice should the idea not work. For onset of hypothermia, a perhaps more tolerable way to die consider having a spare AA emergency foil blanket. This at least gives her something to apply duct tape to before clubbing you with the monster in law (or clubbing you aided by the monster in law should she prove too heavy to wield).
Not sure if they do 28mm push fit lever ball valves tho...