DIY Coffins?

[Alan Holmes]

But will crematoriums accept shrouds?

I want dance music to be played at my funeral.

[Mary Fisher]

I'm not going to a crematorium. It's environmentally unfriendly.

They can play whatever they like at mine but I doubt they'll want music.As long as there's enough champagne they'll be happy.

Oh - you mean at the ceremony? Yes, a friend and I pledged years ago that I'd officiate at his or he at mine and we'd have dancing in the aisles. Trouble is, he's disappeared ...

You don't need a ceremony in a dedicated building of course. Or at all.

What annoys me is that I can't dictate what will happen to my corpse, it becomes the property of my next of kin and they can do what they like with it. That's a disgrace. However, it will be in the interests of our offspring to do what we want and even without the threat of haunting I'm confident that they will.

Mary

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[graham]

That should not be a problem.

The important thing is to make sure that your relatives know what you want.

When it comes to death, it is surprising how little relatives often know about the deceased. For example, did they want to be cremated? Some people have a very strong preference in favour and some people have a very strong preference to be stuck in a hole in the ground.

About ten years ago, there was an instance where a woman died. Her relatives assumed - because they did not know- that she would have opted for a burial. They could not trace a will.

Having carried out the burial, a friend of the deceased informed the relatives that they were surprised that a burial had taken place. The friend always thought that the deceased wanted to be cremated. The friend had assumed that the deceased had told their relatives otherwise.

Having realised that they had made a mistake, the relatives thought it only best to put the situation right. An application was made to have the body exhumed. The deceased was then cremated.

In the meantime, the deceased's house had been sold. Some time went by after the cremation and the new owners of the property started to redecorate. When they removed the front room carpets they discovered an envelope containing the deceased's will. The will was made shortly before the deceased had died.

The relatives could not trace any evidence of a will and therefore assumed that the deceased had died intestate.

The deceased was very specific in their will - they wished to be buried.

Graham

Graham

[graham]

How about Take That featuring Lulu - Relight My Fire

(:-)

Graham

[graham]

The EU were proposing to bring in new legislation governing crematoriums.

It is estimated that each crematorium releases upto 1kg of mercury into the atmosphere each year. The mercury mainly comes from fillings.

It has been suggested that the cost of modifying crematoriums will add £100 to the cost of a cremation.

Burial may not be environmentally friendly either. Decaying remains may pollute local water courses.

Graham

[Mary Fisher]

You mean like all the worms and other invertebrates, birds and mammals which die and become part of the Earth?

To say nothing of all the water creatures which die in the water courses?

Mary

[Mary Fisher]

You're Tell-ing me.

Mary

[Mary Fisher]

...

The difference is that a bad plumbing or electrical job could be dangerous and you can always call the workmen back to make things good; a bad undertaking job is over and done with in a day with nothing to show for it. Except a bill. Nothing can be changed or made good.

Yes, that would probably apply if you're talking about one church community. I really don't think it's so of the general population.

Today my friend's husband died, she's relied on me for support and transport in the last few weeks. I was called to the nursing home where he was minutes after he died. Tonight she told me that his body was in the Co-op 'chapel of rest' so that they'd probably do the funeral. She was too upset to make any decision, the nursing home had sent his body there without offering her any option, just asking if it was alright. What could she say in the minutes after being widowed? I suspect that sort of thing happens frequently. I'm not suggesting that there's any kind of 'arrangement' between the nursing home and the Co-op but some might make that connection. Most people, hereabouts at least, don't know any other funeral director but the Co-op.

Good. But what you're exposed to is edited by the film makers.

I've seen too much to take things for granted, to believe that there's only one route and that that's the 'proper' one.

Some conventions are good for society but not necessarily for the individual. I suspect that undertaking depends on people not knowing of any other option. I know that when I asked my friend what she was thinking she was numb, she said that she didn't know what to do, where to go from here. She would let her sons arrange everything.

They have no experience either so they'll take the easy way out.

Planning ahead won't ensure that you'll have what you'd like but it's more likely and it gives some guidance to your executors.

Mary

[Vera]

How incredibly selfish.

Once you are dead you won't care. Funerals are for the living - whatever makes the living feel a little better is a Good Thing.

When I'm gone they can do whatever makes *them* happy. People who want to dictate what happens to them after they are dead sound like ultimate control freaks to me.

[Mary Fisher]

I've just had a look that and wish I hadn't, I feel ill.

It's all such a sham. All that fake stuff and satin and .. ugh!

If you opt for the simplest you pay over £100 for a cardboard box! Over £1,000 for a wickerwork coffin (plus VAT of course) and since we make baskets I know what's involved.

It's sick.

Mary

[Mary Fisher]

No, but surely it's better to go through life and death confident that if, say, you have a horror of being buried you're family won't do it?

You think funerals make people feel better?

It's just the same as dictating what you want to happen to your possessions (as in a will). Do you think that's incredibly selfish?

Mary

[Vera]

Sounds an unhealthy way to live - you'd never be quite sure...

Oh yes, they can.

For instance - you and all your family are God Fearing, Born Again, Bible Bashing Evangelists. Your nearest and dearest recently departed (heathen of course) has specified that no prayers are to be said, no hymns to be sung and no cleric of any kind should be let near their body. A nice church service would comfort the rellies - it is selfish to attempt to deny them that. Works the other way too - the deeply religious feel they have to inflict God on the mourners when a good knees up and a few drinks to celebrate the life of dear departed would be both more appropriate and comforting to the atheist nearest and dearest.

It can be. It seems to me that the rules for distribution of someone who dies intestate are pretty reasonable and appropriate almost all the time. For the standard family, SO or parents first, then any kids or siblings followed by nearest rellies. Leaving specific bits and pieces to particular people should be to make the living happy, not the dead person - anything else is selfish.

[Andy Dingley]

That's why dead fish float. It's their last selfless act to ensure they're washed ashore as soon as possible.

[Mary Fisher]

Oh how considerate :-)

And all the others?

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[Tony Bryer]

Good ones, yes. Good being IMHO a ceremony that does justice to the person who has died, not barely acknowledging them as some standard form of words is gone through and not painting them with words to be someone who those attending don't recognise. I always remember that the family who conducted my father's funeral recounting going round to see him and finding him undoing knots in some string so it could be used again: everyone laughed: that was the person they knew and had come to remember. Of course it can be pretty hard to do this if you didn't know the person and the family members are not forthcoming.

[Mary Fisher]

Quite.

But don't you think that the dead person would have wanted that sort of thing too?

Mary

[Pete C]

Looks like the Ghanians have a better way:

cheers, Pete.

[Mary Fisher]

No, that's just as daft. A waste of money.

Mary

[Andy Dingley]

Those are wonderful !

[graham]

Over the years, there have been outbreaks of diseases that have been passed to the living through water contamination. The source of the disease has been decaying remains in poorly located cemetaries. The remains have contaminated local water supplies.

The problem is still very common in South Africa where people drink untreated water.

Graham

Graham