Cats

[ARW]

Never forget they have sharp claws.

Just rescued one (trapped in a snare) and thats the thanks I get

[johnjessop46]

They're ungrateful sods.

[Bill Wright]

Why weren't you wearing PPE?

Bill

[Dave Liquorice]

Only the one? Last time I let a cat do me damage I got about half a dozen they were rather red and angry for a few day, despite lots of washing and savlon. Still have the scars.

Mind you it was an unneutred tom that had come in through the cat flap and I was scaring the piss out of it then scruffed and sat on it, whilst the other half opened the door and I threw it about 15' out. Had the desired effect, he's not come back or been seen since.

[Richard]

Nice, but, is the cat OK?

[Brian-Gaff]

Always use a towel when handling cats. We are talking about instinct here, not anything personal. Brian

[ARW]

I forgot to follow Douglas Adams advice - I forgot my towel

[tabbypurr]

Cat probably feared you had set the snare.

NT

[Adrian Caspersz]

You've only one cut ...

Reposted from thepoke.co.uk

"This story from Reddit has gone viral with about 10,000 internet points and it?s not hard to see why: it starts off sounding horribly cruel but by the end it?s hilarious.

My dad was a skydiver back in the sixties. There was a guy in his club that was a nut. He had the idea that he could test the axiom that ?cats always land on their feet? from free fall altitude, where he would fall with them and observe their self-righting behavior. He had no interest in aiding their descent, just wanted to see how they behaved in free fall. In his plan, landing was the cats? problem, not his. Scientific impartiality, or some such thing.

He took four stray cats up in a pillowcase for the jump. After exiting the plane, he turned the pillowcase inside out, releasing the cats. To his great surprise, all four cats attached themselves to his body immediately. With their claws. Given that cats have 18 claws each, he was punctured at least 72 times. More, probably, because he struggled vainly to remove the cats as he fell, but they were having none of it, and would reattach with even more conviction with every effort he made to pull them off.

Presently, he was out of altitude, and had to turn his attention to opening the chute. Let?s pause to do some math. A chute opening can generate as much as 3 Gs of force. The average cat weighs 8 lbs at 1 G. At three Gs, this becomes 24 lbs per cat. So when the chute opened, for a moment this guy had 72 razor sharp claws in his skin, each one being pulled down with a force of about one and a third pounds. That?s 96 pounds of cat. He was sliced to ribbons, basically.

All four cats hung on through the chute opening, although the skydiver?s shredded flesh allowed each one to slip several inches. Bleeding and in misery, the skydiver managed to make a safe, if rather rough, landing in a farm field.

As soon as he hit the earth, all four cats ran off across the field, leaving him to lie there bleeding from his hundred or so wounds. He was the only member of the skydiving club that was displeased with the results of his experiment"

I'm sure there are flaws in the physics ...

[Steve Walker]

We had problems with a tom that kept coming in through our cat-flap. I could never actually catch it, as it always bolted before I could get near. Then, one day, I was outside and saw it go in.

I managed to get hold of enough of the catch from the outside to lock the flap; filled a container with water from the outside tap and went in, very quietly, through the front door. I burst in and managed to throw the water over the cat, which bolted and hit the flap hard enough to pop it off its hinges. It never came back in.

We did have a further problem with another cat later, but got hold of a cat-flap that reads our cats' microchips and only lets them in. After 18 months or so of using that it failed, but I think the local cats had got used to not getting in, so we've been able to leave it unlocked since.

SteveW

[Adam Funk]

Cats are smarter than bugblatter beasts.

[Vir Campestris]

That's damning with faint praise.

Andy