Big Brother is washing you

We had to call out a washing machine engineer for our machine a week ago because it was showing the wrong time for the chosen program - 2.5 hours for a wash which should take 1 hr 34 minutes. Turning the selection dial completely round a couple of times usually sorted it out.

A requirement for two new boards was diagnosed and off he went again. A few days later a different engineer came to fit them. The first one, a small display board, looked to be a new design according to the engineer but he fitted it anyway, switched on the machine, we both watched it go bang and all the smoke that makes it work escaped. He then fitted the second, much larger, board and refitted the old display board, switched the machine on and then found it wouldn't accept its programming - probably due to a fault in the wiring loom or the program dial switch - so he's ordered a whole new loom, a new dial switch, and two more new boards. This is more than the machine is worth but it's got an extended warranty so I don't care. Because it wouldn't accept the programming we now have a totally dead machine for a week!

These things are over-complicated. He did tell me that Merloni are improving though: new machines now have just one small board inside them which controls everything, as they should do really; how difficult can it be to control two motors and a heater?

The point of the post: the engineer told me that the large board keeps usage information on it from the day the machine is "born": which programs you use, how often you use it, the weight of the washing, whether it's imbalanced, and probably a whole myriad of other information which he didn't mention . This is, he said, for market research and to check any claim you might make against the manufacturer's warranty. If they find you're using the machine, say, fifteen times a day with a heavy load each time, chances are they'll assume you're doing the washing for the local army barracks and tell you to go and fix it yourself. All clever stuff. I'm just waiting for a "Bread Error" message from my toaster, requiring a re-boot and a complicated de-crumb procedure involving plugging it into a phone socket so that it can download the latest bagel program updates.

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot
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When future machines are connected to the Internet permanently, you can expect an e-mail from the manufacturers the moment you go over the limits, telling you your warranty is no longer valid. They could also send you e-mails informing you that you could save a bit of energy by increasing your load a bit, and stop washing those shirts on 90C by themselves - we saw you!

-- JJ

Reply to
Jason

This will be linked to a guvmint energy usage agency who will debit an automatic fine from your bank for wasting energy, and will also trigger a hike in the rates you are charged for electricity.

"Dear Sir,

We have been advised that you only toast one slice of bread at a time. This is an unacceptable waste of resources so you have therefore been charged a fixed fee of £50. Any repetition will incur a further charge and the confiscation of your toaster, which will be crushed and sold to China. Please ensure that you only use your toaster when you are hungry, not just peckish, and refer to leaflet "HUNGRY? SURE?", attached, which explains the difference in detail."

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot

:-)

I wish I could think of things like that ...

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

I wish I could find somebody who would pay me for writing complete rubbish all day.

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot

lol, good one

NT

Reply to
meow2222

Have you applied to the Sun 'newspaper'?

All the best ..

T i m

Reply to
T i m

I see examples of far more contrived and less stylish writing in various magazines, written by staff members who are, presumably, paid.

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

I'm sure if they do another series of "One foot in the grave", they'll employ you as a scriptwriter!

Reply to
Roger Mills

Heh. I'd like that. However, although I'm rarely stuck for words, plots don't come easily to me. I suppose that's why people often write in pairs or even in great hordes. As writing is a form of DIY I humbly request that people submit ideas for tv sitcoms which they would like to watch. In Mary's case plays or monologues f't wireless ;)

Have you seen those new "comedies" on tv? One with Sheridan (yum) Smith and the other with Sam (was yum)Janus? Complete rubbish.

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot

Wait until M$ get their way and windows consumer edition is in every appliance. Nothing will work correctly !!

Dave

Reply to
gort

The same applies to me, which is why I could never write fiction, just reportage. But you have more imagination than I - or most people have.

How old are you?

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

And you'll have to press START to stop it!

Reply to
Roger Mills

I have no problems with Windows or Microsoft - everything I use works correctly.

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

On Sat, 13 May 2006 13:11:47 +0100, Roger Mills wrote (in article ):

He can get in line. I already have the starter kit.

Reply to
Andy Hall

I gather there is at least one combination of windows and apps that works properly, out of many. I'm not sure thats much of an endorsement for windows though.

NT

Reply to
meow2222

That will be the one Mary has !!!

Dave

Reply to
gort

I can't see why mine should be any different from anyone else's, I'm not unique. But if you think I am I don't mind.

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

Actually, so does mine. I've never had any problems with XP home. The occasional "IE has experienced a problem and has to close" but I can put up with that.

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot

In chronological terms I'm 41 but today I am at least 87. Arthritis in my right knee means I have a renewed sympathy for the elderly.

Si

Reply to
Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot

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