A solution to stop doors slamming/being slammed?

[Andy Hall]

That's profound....

[Steve Firth]

Indeed and very true. My wife's a psychologist, and as she says when we see some teenager having a strop with their parents "Oh look, another badly behaved parent." Parents mostly blame other people, usually the child, but mostly it's the parent at fault when things break down.

[Andy Hall]

I think that there is some truth in that. The question is then in what way do (or more likely did) the parents misbehave?

If it was *did*, then the question becomes what, if anything can be done about it - i.e. does raiding the museum help?

[Stuart Noble]

Parents do the best they can given that most of them have other burning issues to deal with at that time in their lives, but they do seem to make hard work of it all. Children only want your time, and don't much care how you spend it together, but the parents get bored. They want "fun".

[Andrew Gabriel]

...and they get little or no training in what is probably the most important job of their lives -- being a patent.

[Mogga]

it's the hospital's fault for having swing doors.

[Steve Firth]

Well, again, according to the mighty SWMBO, mostly it comes down to inconsistency and weakness on the part of the parents. She counts "thrashing" or even slapping of children as signs of weakness or inadequacy. Most kids learn that if the parent talks tough or dishes out physical punishment, such punishment is of short duration, applied inconsistently and unfairly and usually means absolutely nothing other than as a way of relieving the frustrations of the parent. The same applied to the shouting and hysteria of parents when faced with a child who refuses to obey.

The most serious punishment that can be applied to a child is to ignore them. We had a whole day of stepping over one (ie. our) child who threw a tantrum. After about 8 hours it was obvious that no one would pay the slightest attention to that tactic and when normality resumed *then* we gave the fuss and the care wanted. I cant recall it being tried more than once.

Like all things it's easiest to avoid the problem early on, remedial action takes huge amounts of time and effort.

[Steve Firth]

I thin the problem is that many people become parents without thinking about it. I'm despairing with a professional colleague at the moment who had children because "the biological clock is ticking". Now the children are simply handed to nanny and the parent does nothing with the kids except a good night kiss.

The same parent has "issues" with their own parents who behaved in exactly the same way. Despite gentle prodding she can't see that her own children will probably end up with the same problems (about parental rejection) that she had.

[manatbandq]

They got those from the parents, for a start.

All of which they can grow up to cope with or have parents who they know they can turn to. It really is mostly down to parenting, but at a

*much* earlier age.

MBQ

[Stuart Noble]

Time for a bit of poetry....

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.

Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don?t have any kids yourself.

[Stuart Noble]

Couldn't agree more. In most respects the game's over by the time they start school.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Why should it amaze you? Being adult bmens being able to cope with life: If they don;t learn that they have to say at home. This sets up a perfect situation to encourage leaving.

What amazes ME is teh parents don;t want kids to grow up. They want to control and dominate and bend their opinions forever. They can't ger around to rtreating the kids as adults and friends. They are still 'theor baybees'

Bleagh.

No wonder the kids screw up. The *parents* never grew up.

One of my nephews is a 'problem' chld. I simply told him: If you want the good things of life that society can give you, you have to bend to society's rules, irrespective of whatever you personally may think. He never given me any trouble.

Mostly because unlike his parents I don't care what he chooses to be. I only care that he doesn't impinge on me personally in an adverse way. If he does I tell him. If not, I let him do what he likes.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Absolutely

On my day there was a range of punishments, from being verbally abused through a slap round the buttocks to formal caning. If you cared to explore teh various route you would find it increasingly unpleasant.

SOME of my class mates ONLY responded to physical punishment. Words simply didn't feature.

Today, you cannot, unless you are an officer of the law etc, punish a child in any way whatsoever..i am sure somewhere there is some bloody teenager complaining to some human right court the being deprived of his pocket money is a cruel and unusual punishment. So natirally there s no warning when they DO overstep the line.

I can't remember any innate conscience or feelings of guilt associated with any of my many misdemeanours, certainly none as powerful as the fear of getting caught, and being whacked round the bum, which bloody HURTS.

I don't think a sense of the self in respect to the rest of society develops until post puberty.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Totally agree. I saw some study somewhere years sao on te mpat of corporal punishment on childrens behaviour.

The overall conclusion was the juvenile deliquency was heavily correlated with being ignored. Whether a whack round the head or some 'quality parenting time' was given, the results as far as bad behaviour were pretty much identical.

I find the same with our young terrier. Left to his own devices he will go and chase things mercilessly, but a constant series of bellowed command are gradually getting him to realise he IS noticed, and a mixture of carrot and stick tones is turning the scamp into quite a reasonable example of caninehood.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Advice I have followed to the letter.

[djc]

[Mr Fuxit]

Yep! That's what I did, and it worked within a day!

[Stuart Noble]

The amazing thing is that we need "research" to remind us of the blindingly obvious. Then again, talking to children is very hard work. After half an hour with my 5 year old granddaughter I feel the need to go and lie in a darkened room. Can we really play pass the parcel with only two of us? Gimmee a break for chrissake.

[Mark]

Crazy, isn't it? I think parenting skills should be on the national curriculum.

The only "training" that most parents get is remembering what their parents did. In this respect they are likely to repeat the same mistakes unless they work *very* hard to avoid them (and that's if they are even aware of them).

Fun - Ah, I remember that ;-)

M

[Mary Fisher]

Indeed. But I don't know how anyone could be taught how to be a parent. Animals seem to do it naturally.

Mind you, as I've said before, most children grow up into reasonable adults and they have to suffer their own children which is some kind of justice :-)

Mary