Toilet Theft on the Rise

There has been a recent increase in toilet theft incidents in the US. The president claims this is being caused by terrorists, and recommends visiting www.ready.gov. However, most plumbers interviewed say the thefts are not being caused by terrorism, but are being done by a number of rival gang members who are calling themselves "modern robin hoods". Apparently they are collecting toilets from the rich, and giving them to the poor people, who have no pot to piss in. While their goals must be congratulated, they are causing many wealthy Americans to become full of shit. This seems to be most obvious in Washington DC.
Historically, there have always been increases in toilet theft during times when the economy was poor, as it is now. Therefore, the actual cause of these thefts is still being investigated. It's a sign of our times, said one plumber. "People are starving and homeless. They need somewhere to relieve themselves".
I am posting this because I am looking for suggestions how to secure my toilet so that it can not be stolen. Those two bolts that hold it to the floor are inadaquate, and anyone with a cheap foreign made wrench can remove these bolts and steal the toilet. We need better protection to insure that our toilets are not stolen. I have considered building a box around my toilet from 3" thick oak bridge decking, held together with one way screws, and locking the whole thing with the best Master Lock I can buy. I also thought of installing an alarm the would sound a buzzer and automatically call the police every time the lid is lifted. However, all of this takes time and money, and makes using the toilet difficult. There must be an easy way to secure our toilets from these theives.
Well, I think pretty soon I will have to "go". I better check my toilet to be sure it's there when I need it.
Later
Frank
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No problem at my house. I lay the longest, stinkiest, most pungent Lincoln logs west of the Mississippi.After one of my dumps nobody would touch that bowl. Due to the loss of income caused by the condition of the economy I'm branching out to include toilet bowl staining. My Specialty.
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Nobody will take your toilet if you're guarding it. I did not say stand guard. It's OK to sit. Maybe do it in shifts of 4 hours. If you want to hire the job out, you will have NO problem finding qualified personnel.

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