Removing Fart From Couch

The other day my wife made some sort of bean dish that gave me a bad case of gas. We were sitting on our new couch that we just bought a few weeks ago, when I let out a big stinky fart. Ever since, my wife says the couch smells like a fart and wants me to remove the odor. Personally, I dont smell anything, and think she is crazy. I even told her that it's her fault for making such a deadly meal.
Assuming there really is a fart stuck in our couch, how do I remove it?
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not_admitted@_sorry_.com said...

Just get up once in a while.
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031222 1819 - Brad wrote:

Yes, she's hinting that she doesn't want an old fart stinking up her new couch anymore.
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Personally, I dont smell anything, and think she is crazy. I even told her that it's her fault for making such a deadly meal.
Personally, I agree with you, and I'm a woman with a keen sense of smell. No fart endures for more than a few moments. Tell her you'll put it outside/in the garage/workroom until it airs out, and that fart should disappear like magic. zemedelec
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Take it to Hanford.
On Mon, 22 Dec 2003 15:28:01 -0600, not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

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Why would you want to remove it? What's it really hurting? It will fly away when it's tired of living in the couch!!! Just let it be it's a Christmas Fart come early, just be thankful !!!!!
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not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

Spill her favorite perfume on it.
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insert a Downy Fabric cloth ( one you put in your dryer ) in your crotch.

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Maybe its not your fart, maybe its left over from the neighbor guy, that was over to your house when you were at work!

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Tell her to stop bitching about the fart or you're going to refuse to perform your marital duty towards her!

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What you should do, (or all of us for that matter) is bottle it up and send it to Sadam. That surely would get him to open up and start talking if we threaten him with being gassed, but then he looks like a fart smeller and may like getting a whiff of your farts.

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031223 0837 - No-Name wrote:

Yeah, right...
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On Mon, 22 Dec 2003 15:28:01 -0600, not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

Fart on her pillow. She'll forget about the couch real fast!!!!!!!!!
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Two possible products: Febreeze and Totally Toddler (you can get that one at Babies R Us). Take the cover off the cushion, spritz either product onto the foam and recover when it's dry.
The most important step: make sure she sees you doing it.
- Wm
--
William Morris
Tailor, Seamlyne reProductions
  Click to see the full signature.
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On Mon, 22 Dec 2003 15:28:01 -0600, not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

My keyboard is not coated with beer!
Barry
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May I suggest you either buy a really decrepit, drooly dog to blame it on (something from the naturally-gassy pug or beagle/hound line are convenient scapegoats), or just not buy a leather couch -- which tends to magnify the sound of even the smallest of repeaters -- in the first place? Either that, or just learn the proper, time-honored way to fart undetected into a cloth couch, to wit:
1. Press ass tightly as possible onto cushion. 2. Outstretch legs full and keep tightly together. 3. Let fly. 4. Don't get up for any reason whatsoever for at least 5 minutes in order to allow fart ample time to be absorbed to the underlying material and distribute itself evenly and harmlessly and die a natural death. Exceptionally hearty, merchant-of-death farts should be allowed a minimum of 10 minutes to harmessly disperse.
For additional protective measures, place a blanket or throw pillow atop lap for added protection to contain any stray rising fume. Avoid any inclination to wave of "foof" said pillow or blanket.
Next week, we'll discuss the proper way to play "pull my finger."
AJS
not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

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not_admitted@_sorry_.com wrote:

That Type of fart must be sniffed out
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031226 0559 - Ron wrote:

Yes, and since it is your wife that wants it out of the couch, maybe you could talk her into doing it.
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wrote:

Actually, fart removal is serious business, because a build up of fart gas in a couch or other fabric furniture can eventually lead to brain damage. I've always found the easiest way to remove fart gas is with a blow torch. Ask your wife to aim here sniffer at the part of the couch where the fart smell seems to be emanating from, and while she is bent over the couch, goose her in the ass with a lick of flame from the blow torch. This should end the problem.
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I think you are going about the wrong way. You should be asking "How do I get rid of my wife?". A splitting maul does a fine job...
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