A lady posted the following profile on a dating service I sometimes access:
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Built in 1955. One owner from 1974-2006. Traditional in style with potential
for redesign. Structure partially renovated in 2008, with additional
improvements in progress. Structurally sound, good condition except age
appropriate wear & tear. Foundation shaken in 2006, but expertly repaired by
Man Above Foundation Repair & warranted for a lifetime. Circuit breakers
properly amped. Warning: lights come on brightly & early every morning & dim
in the evening unless manually controlled. All cast iron plumbing still
functioning as intended. Sold "as is" subject to minor improvements at
request of new owner. Prospective purchasers are encouraged to thoroughly
inspect before entering into a contract.
This fine offering also comes staffed with part-time cook, housekeeper,
gardener, wait staff, & masseuse. However, she will still maintain her
career & will require time off for travel, occasional fine dining, theater,
live music, dancing, church, lounging by the pool or on the beach & spending
time with family & friends.
Prospective purchasers shall meet the following minimum requirements: Will
be last-time buyer, credit worthy, physically & fiscally fit & active enough
to maintain the property in its present or improved condition. Be witty,
possess a sense of humor & adventure, be articulate, considered a friend &
family man, a Christian. Indoor pets (especially cats) not readily accepted,
but will be considered on case-by-case basis--not necessarily a deal maker
or a deal breaker. Other qualities & compensating factors(*) will be
reviewed & considered upon request.
Subject is low maintenance & affordably priced. Don't miss this investment
opportunity of a lifetime. Shown by appointment only.
(*) Compensating factors defined: Buyers that are tall, pictured with their
kids, parents, grandkids. Buyers that have more meat & muscle than the
subject property. Buyers that are well connected to family & friends.
UPDATE: Real Estate in Houston is alive & well! Possibly the best way to
invest your most valuable assets for the greatest return you'll ever know.
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I'm going shopping.