OT: Property available


A lady posted the following profile on a dating service I sometimes access:
--- begin quote
Built in 1955. One owner from 1974-2006. Traditional in style with potential for redesign. Structure partially renovated in 2008, with additional improvements in progress. Structurally sound, good condition except age appropriate wear & tear. Foundation shaken in 2006, but expertly repaired by Man Above Foundation Repair & warranted for a lifetime. Circuit breakers properly amped. Warning: lights come on brightly & early every morning & dim in the evening unless manually controlled. All cast iron plumbing still functioning as intended. Sold "as is" subject to minor improvements at request of new owner. Prospective purchasers are encouraged to thoroughly inspect before entering into a contract.
This fine offering also comes staffed with part-time cook, housekeeper, gardener, wait staff, & masseuse. However, she will still maintain her career & will require time off for travel, occasional fine dining, theater, live music, dancing, church, lounging by the pool or on the beach & spending time with family & friends.
Prospective purchasers shall meet the following minimum requirements: Will be last-time buyer, credit worthy, physically & fiscally fit & active enough to maintain the property in its present or improved condition. Be witty, possess a sense of humor & adventure, be articulate, considered a friend & family man, a Christian. Indoor pets (especially cats) not readily accepted, but will be considered on case-by-case basis--not necessarily a deal maker or a deal breaker. Other qualities & compensating factors(*) will be reviewed & considered upon request.
Subject is low maintenance & affordably priced. Don't miss this investment opportunity of a lifetime. Shown by appointment only.
(*) Compensating factors defined: Buyers that are tall, pictured with their kids, parents, grandkids. Buyers that have more meat & muscle than the subject property. Buyers that are well connected to family & friends.
UPDATE: Real Estate in Houston is alive & well! Possibly the best way to invest your most valuable assets for the greatest return you'll ever know.
--- end quote
I'm going shopping.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
HeyBub wrote:

Excellent!
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Thought you were Jewish...?
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Doug Miller wrote:

Bless 'em all, Bless 'em all, The long and the short and the tall... You'll get no promotion, This side of the ocean, Bless 'em all, bless 'em all, bless 'em all.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
HeyBub wrote:

"Sold "as is" subject to minor improvements at request of new owner."? Be sure to let us know how the "minor improvements" go :o)
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.net wrote:

Well, the grounds have lain fallow since 2006, so the property will have to be plowed...
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
HeyBub wrote:

Fixher upper, eh? Look out for termites and rusty plumbing...the exterior can appear to be perfect, but the structure ready to collapse. Wonder if it's been resided? :o)
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.net wrote:

Know what you mean, know what you mean. Here's one I saved from the old austin.forsale newsgroup.
--- begin quote
I would like to procure one old oar. Free would be wonderful, but I'm willing to pay a small amount' [I guess the guy was tired of rowing in circles]
Reply:
You used to be able to find old oars at your neighborhood oar house, but the city closed most of those years ago.
Your best bet, currently, is to check dark street corners in the early evening.
Sometimes an old oar is painted over to make it look like a new oar. This deception is easily detectable in strong light. You can also test for old/new by taking a test stroke or two.
Unsuspecting oar seekers sometimes find themselves up a creek with paddle instead of an oar. Be careful.
Good luck in your quest.
--- end quote
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
HeyBub wrote:

There is a woman who shops at the same grocery store that I shop at, and she is truly scary.....below the neck, she appears to be about 85. She must have had silicone injections to her gigantic, puffy lips (how in hell can anyone DO THAT?) and has a "tight ponytail" facelift. Her eyelids are almost vertical because they are pulled back so far. It would be a lot easier, and less expensive, just to take down all the mirrors. Save the money for a cruise when the doc says "better get yer affairs in order". :o)
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.net wrote:

-----------------------
Anything built before 1980 is too old to even consider.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Some day you will get hold of one of those pre-1980 models (timeslid to your generation). You'll be kicking your ass for all you missed. Then there's pre-1970.
Remember, you don't know what you don't know until you know it.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Red Green wrote:

One of the early treats after I moved to Florida was to go to an Oktoberfest dinner and dance at a nice country club. Retiree area, I was the youngest (50) person there. Lots of good German food, then dancing to a German band. Many of the dancers were 80's and 90's, and you could tell there was (still) a lot going on, just in the way they looked at each other. So cool...
A neighbor who doesn't like me because I asked her to keep her dog off my patio mentioned that I was an "old lady"...she was 35. I haven't had my wrinkles (or anything else) worked on...she obviously had. Boob jobs just sometimes shout it out...as many observers enjoy :o)
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Yeah, any of those on the list would be so grateful to have me! When they come begging, I may give in.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote:

First, "look at the purse" (The J. Geils Band - Ladies Invited), and then decide. You could get rich.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote:

Yea, osteoporosis can be hell on the studs and beams.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

You misread that. Read it again. Hint: The Man Above...
R
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.net wrote:

While I see the intended humor, I also see several red flags, starting with the 'owned by'. Nobody should feel of themselves as 'owned by' anybody. 2nd is stating that foundations were repaired by a deity- indicates magical thinking. The partial renovations starting in 08 are also a concern. I see strong self-image issues at play here. May all be perfectly innocent, and simple overcompensation to being 'fired' from a position they trained their entire early life for. (Unless previous 'owner' actually died or something.) But whoever answers the ad better be prepared to carry lots and lots of baggage. The poster married too young, probably right out of Daddy's house, and never learned to live on their own. IMHO, nobody should marry until they have lived on their own at least 2-3 years, so they know that they can. 'Low maintenance'? I think not.
-- aem sends, sincerely wishing the ad poster all the best...
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
aemeijers wrote:
Your observations are spot on.

I agree. A better choice of words would have been "occupied by"

Um, a lot of people find strength in prayer. Even if it merely gives them something to do while the hurt wears off.

When one experiences rejection or great loss, there's usually a sharp decline in self esteem. Women are vain creatures anyway and feel much better after a visit to the beauty salon. Imagine the lift to a female's ego with a few minor tune-ups: face lift, breast implants, liposuction, lip enhancement, tattooed eye-liner, calf augmentation, weight loss, French nails, new do, some posh smocks, shoes, and accessories.

Couldn't agree more.

Maybe. Maybe not. Her stating the alternative of "high maintenance" would certainly be a non-starter.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Agree with the above.

Don't agree in every case. I was 20, my wife was 19. Had a car paid for, steady job, bought a house. That was 43+ years ago and would not change anything.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
"HeyBub" wrote

(snips)
LOL!
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Site Timeline

Related Threads

    HomeOwnersHub.com is a website for homeowners and building and maintenance pros. It is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.