OT Elder drivers

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On 5/24/2015 11:08 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:

In Illinois police or just about anyone can file request with the Secretary of State (our DMV) to have a physically impaired driver brought in for a retest.
In my late father's -who was physically impaired in his late 80's - case what worked was my sister-in-law, a nurse, explaining that his impairment (nerve damage to leg affecting his ability to react quickly) could cause an accident that could cause horrendous injuries/consequences to an INNOCENT family.
That did it. He voluntarily hung up the car keys and it was not an issue. Before that, it was "oh, I can drive, I just have to be careful and go a bit slower because it takes longer for me to switch from the accelerator to the brake.
In his case, the mind was still clear and functioning like a 55-60 year old. YMMV
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On 05/25/2015 06:21 AM, Unquestionably Confused wrote:

Yep, that is exactly what I will have to get across no matter how difficult.

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My Dad developed severe vision problems in his late '70s as complications of his diabetes. I only found out much later that he was getting in more and more fender benders and had received several tickets. Eventually his license came up for renewal but he failed the vision test and so lost his license. I was unaware of all of this until after the fact, otherwise I would have tried to intervene somehow. Thank God that he didn't injure himself or someone else. I think his fear of losing his independence overrode his good judgment.
I don't have any real advice for you, sorry. I think the situation evolves slowly enough that the victim doesn't see a clear indication that enough is enough. Pride keeps them going. A wakeup call is needed, one that doesn't involve injury, loss of life, or great property loss. It would be a tough conversation to have. I hope I have enough self- awareness to know if to retire myself as a driver.
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On 05/24/2015 08:02 PM, Nil wrote:

This was certainly my wake up call and I am now prepared to deal with it...getting in the right frame of mind was the difficult part.
As to diabetes...my wife was starting to have problem with her vision and it turned out to be Type 2 Diabetes which she now has under control thanks to diet and exercise...vision is now fine.
An astute nurse picked up signs her doctor missed.
Needless to say she no longer sees that doctor.
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On 5/24/2015 7:34 PM, philo wrote:

Same problem with my father but I think he was concerned being elderly they might pull his license when he bumped someone but did not get a ticket. He was of relatively sound mind but old.
Major stroke at home is what took him off the road but that also put him in the nursing home.
I've seen it with other seniors and think police had their licenses pulled in a minor accident where they showed major signs of senility.
Unfortunately it can take a precipitating incident. Hope they do not get hurt.
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Philo,
You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to know whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you manage that? Could be major ego problems. The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a transportation plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall, grocery store, golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives)
Dave M.
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Opps hit send too soon. Let me finish that last thought. While your parents' shopping trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives) there will be conflicting trips. Dad wants to get his hair cut and you have an important meeting. Your plan must deal with such conflicts.
Dave M.
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On 05/25/2015 06:58 AM, David L. Martel wrote:

Because this is Usenet, I hardly had the time to tell the whole story as there have been numerous non-driving incidents that make it obvious he is having a problem. A doctor has been examining him and has found /some/ mental impairment. Is it Alzheimer's or possibly a very slight stroke...I don't know...but there is a problem that needs to be addressed

My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is so that's only going to be a short term solution.
It looks like assisted living may be a necessity.
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Philo,
While I'm sure that you will mostly receive kind advice, it should be pointed out that this is a home repair newsgroup. I hope you are asking elsewhere, too. My local county has a council on senior citizens as does my State. I'd get on the phone and discuss your issues and get some advice from the "pros". If your parents are religious then their pastor is another pro. Family may be very important. Do you have siblings? What do they think? Does your Step-father have children? It sounds as if your mother does not agree with your assessment of the situation, why do you discount her opinion? Lots of things to be considered but you seem to be looking for answers, which is good.
Dave M.
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On 05/25/2015 10:37 AM, David L. Martel wrote:

One reason I posted here was simply for everyone to just plain tell me what was obviously the right thing to do...directly take action...which I will be doing shortly
thanks
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On Monday, May 25, 2015 at 9:36:17 AM UTC-4, philo wrote:

in pennsylvania there is access, it provides low cost transportation to the elderly or infirmed. like a downs 20 some year old who gets transit to their job.
i have a elderly friend who quit driving. it has caused him much unhappiness paying access till i pointed out his car, with insurance, gas, license, inspection etc was costing him over 2 grand a year.
so he is now happy his under a grand access cost is realling saving him money:)
assisted living around here is at least 4 grand per person per month...
theres home care agencies who, shop, do laundery, prepare meals etc that cost a fraction of assisted living and the people get to remain in their own home.....
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On 05/25/2015 12:52 PM, bob haller wrote:

Thanks for the info...and I am sure my parents would probably agree to most anything other than assisted living. I know they have savings but if it's as expensive as you mentioned, that is not going to be a likelihood.
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A little insight into Alzheimer's disease.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21528801.100-brain-diabetes-the-ultimate-food-scare.html
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t.

It took many conversations with my father to get him to stop driving. I fo und alternatives for him such as the county senior transport and a local ta xi service. For doctors visits my siblings and I started taking him.
My father kept asking why he needed to stop driving and I told him that his reaction time to an emergency was very bad. I used the example of a small child running into the road and he would not be able to react quickly and properly. After a few months of us telling him, he relinquished and starte d using alternative transportation.
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On 05/25/2015 10:13 AM, John G wrote:

After the speeding ticket, his insurance is so high he could pay for a cab anywhere he wants to go and save money
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philo posted for all of us...

Not necessarily, discretion.

This is a poignant question. Children of older parent face this all the time and there is no good answer. You are taking away their last vestige of independence. Have you ridden with him lately? Have a lot of citations? Watch him park?
The only good thing is that they tend to drive much slower... (Don't we know?) Would he be willing to take a AARP or AAA elder driving course?
If you know he's not capable you have to talk to him and sell the car. Or in some states you can get him reexamined.
Good luck, now I will read the other responses.
--
Tekkie *Please post a follow-up*

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On 5/28/2015 4:05 PM, Tekkie® wrote:

Not sure about where the OP lives, but here after 80 there is mandatory retesting every couple years, and also his doctor can have the driver's license revoked.
My father is the same age, and a good but safe and slow driver, he knows his eyesight is suffering and no longer drives at night or on the highway.
--
Froz...

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elderly drivers are generally safer than teenage drivers.
elderly tend to make decisions like not driving after dark, teenagers just dont care and believe they are invincible....
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Did not want to go in with both barrels blasting.
Decided to first get my mother to admit there might be a problem... after some discussion my mother decided to tell my step dad, that due to concerns my sister and I have, it looks like a good idea for *both* of my parents to get re-tested bu the DMV.
That kind of softened the blow to my step-dad.
He said he did not think a re-test was needed, but agreed that he (and my mom) will both get one.
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