NOTICE: Upgrade your Socket Sets Now

[rjtool]

October 15, 2007

OFFICIAL NOTICE:

Just announced. As of this date, everyone who uses socket sets must upgrade their set. This is required for all socket set brands manufactured prior to October 15, 2007. This includes both SAE and Metric sets. Without this upgrade, your sockets will no longer fit nuts and bolts. It's easy to upgrade. You can download your upgrade in minutes by going to:

You can pay online with any major credit card. The cost is only $29.95 per socket set, payable to "Tool Upgrade Center". Once the download is complete, simply plug your socket set adaptor into any USB 2.0 port and click ENTER. That's all there is to it. Your socket tools will perform three to five times faster than before, will turn using your computer and mouse, and will be compatible with all machines currently manufactured. Your socket set will continue to work on older machinery and your upgrade is downward compatible.

Once on our website, you can pre-upgrade your hammers if you choose to do so now. All hammers will require an upgrade on November 1, 2007 or they will no longer be compatible with any nails. Your upgrade will make your hammer perform up to ten times faster, and will allow automated hammering from your keyboard, using your up and down arrow keys. Upgrading is easy, and you can download your upgrade in minutes. Simply go to:

The cost on November 1, 2007 will be $29.95 per hammer, but if you upgrade prior to that date, and combine your upgrade with your socket set upgrade, the cost is only $19.95 per hammer, a huge savings of $10. Upgrade today.

• System Requirements - Online upgrades require Microsoft Windows

98se, ME, 2K, XP or Vista, a pentium III or higher with at least 256megs ram, 22gigs of hard drive space, CDrom, and a USB 2.0 port with tool adaptor, and a registered copy of any version of Microsoft Office.

Tool Upgrade Center

Yours Truely

Robert J. Tool (Company President)

------ Please forward this important message to all your friends and neighbors. Our goal is to upgrade all socket sets and hammers by the end of 2007.

[Joseph Meehan]

Do they have a serial port adapter, I have an old socket set.

[Jim]

are these the new ones made to fit the varying nut and bolt sizes produced in china? the new product line, not exactly SAE while also not exactly metric. actually their consistency reflects no particular standard. adjustable sockets?

I'd not given any consideration to how china could manage to mess up a nail.

[Dean Hoffman]

What will this do for farmers? If something can't be fixed with vise grips, pliers, or a crescent wrench it's not worth fixing.

Dean

[Chris Lewis]

According to :

The least he could have done is have a working web site...

Even the end of the internet has one:

[JoeSpareBedroom]

I have a piece of steel pipe that would like to say hello to your kneecaps.

[Harry K]

[Harry K]

I bet if you upgrade it, it will hit a bit higher.

Harry K

[JoeSpareBedroom]

Later. I'm headed to the basement to gather all my crappy Snap-On tools and throw them in the trash.

[Al Bundy]

[franz frippl]

I think someone has a socket loose himself. At least the light is no longer on.

[jmagerl]

Does this have anything to do with the analog shutdown in 2009? Are you saying that my analog wrenchs are no good? I have to upgrade to digital? I just bought them! and no one told me! I know screwdrivers are digital (+ and -) but now wrenchs? When will the madness stop?

Wheres the government? DO I get any $40 voucher for a wrench converter? this is so unacceptable. Somebody is going to hear about it.

Once I convert will I be able to get Hidef wrenchs? Do I have to buy any special cables from the cable mafia in order to use my Hidef wrench?

Can someone provide a link to the FAQ page? Thanks for letting me rant.

C. Little

[jJim McLaughlin]

Enough of this fool JoeSpareBedroom.

[jJim McLaughlin]

ROTFL.

8.75 on a scale of 1 to 10.

[Steve IA]

Dean,

I agree, but lately I've found I need a metric crescent wrench too.

Oh, and a BFH is always handy.

Steve

41N

[Harry]

and what about the DRM? Will your hammer explode if used with the wrong nails?

[BONG!!!]

HAMMER.EXE is not properly communicating with NAIL.DLL. This may be because an old version of THUMB.COM is returning error code 0x4F554348 and will be shut down. If the problem persists, please contact Microtool Corporation customer assistance. Allow 6 to 8 months for a reply.

[Harry]

Contrary to popular belief, analog wrenches will still work. However, you will have to use special nuts and bolts imported from the horsehead nebula. These will be reasonably priced, but the shipping charges are really high.

There's the * ones too.

"But the emperor doesn't have any clothes on!".

You're supposed to as long as you don't have any monkey wrenches. However, I hear president shrub is trying to do away with the voucher program because it would be too helpful.

Hidef wrenches will work best with HDTI (High Definition Tool Interface) cables. Buy cables that support HDUP (High Definition Usability Prevention).

[snip]

[alvinamorey]

I just bought some nails that are made in China and it said I MUST use a metric hammer. Of course I never had one, so I had to go and spend $30 for one. I complained a few months back when I had to purchase a metric vice grips since the instruction manual that came with some China made bolts claimed that my SAE vice grip would not clamp tightly onto metric bolts. Of course the manual was written in chineese and I had to spend $79.99 to have a language translator convert the manual to english. If that was not bad enough, when I tried to fax the chineese version of the manual to the translator, my fax machine would not accept the new metric paper I had purchased and I had to go back to the office supply and buy new paper. On the way to the store, I ran out of gas and discovered that my obsolete gas can labelled in gallons would not accept the nozzle at the gas pump which had been changed to a metric nozzle. With gasoline all over the outside of my gas can, my shoes, pants, and legs saturated, I found my skin burning and called 911 on my cellphone. I received a recorded message that stated "the telephone number 911 has been changed to a metric number, please try again"...........

[Peter Huebner]

I hope it stops before we have to convert the wenches to digital! I definitively prefer my wenches analog.

-P.

[Harry]

You should hope so. The new digital wrenches are coming out with product deactivation (mistakenly called "activation"). Particularly avoid any wrench marked "Designed for Windows Vista".