Need advice on how to deal with a neighbor

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I have a contractor friend whom I have helped quite a few times with IT related needs. In return my friend insisted to help me on a few things.
Today he came over with his crew and helped to pressure wash my house and my wooden fence, and tomorrow he's going to come back and seal/stain my fence.
The problem was that I had no idea that my friend had rented a pressure washer to help me do this today, and I had no idea what the results would be. So when he called me an hour before he was coming over, I couldn't really tell him no, that I didn't want my house and fence pressure washed.
Well, everything went well, except that during the washing of my fence on left side, the dirt, overspray of water, and some leaves from the vines on the house dirtied the walkway / side of house of my neighbors.
I was feeling really bad, and told my neighbor that we would stain his deck for free, pressure wash his house, sweep and wash down the side of his house. I even offered to hire a professional cleaning crew to clean the exterior of his house to brand new condition.
Well, my neighbor is very upset at me, because he and his wife had just cleaned their windows a day ago, and the stuff on the side of their house/yard got dirty.
I was on very good terms with this neighbor, and we helped each out a lot with various things. But he turned down my offer of help on every single item, even though I can tell that he and his wife are very upset still.
I don't know what else to do, and feel very bad about the whole situation. It's not easy when a good friend who helps me with good intentions accidentally dirties a neighbor's house. To my eyes the neigbhor's house is not that dirty, kind of like when a rain storm came through and got dirt on the yard.
What would you guys / gals think should be done to fix this situation???
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I have a contractor friend whom I have helped quite a few times with IT related needs. In return my friend insisted to help me on a few things.
Today he came over with his crew and helped to pressure wash my house and my wooden fence, and tomorrow he's going to come back and seal/stain my fence.
The problem was that I had no idea that my friend had rented a pressure washer to help me do this today, and I had no idea what the results would be. So when he called me an hour before he was coming over, I couldn't really tell him no, that I didn't want my house and fence pressure washed.
Well, everything went well, except that during the washing of my fence on left side, the dirt, overspray of water, and some leaves from the vines on the house dirtied the walkway / side of house of my neighbors.
I was feeling really bad, and told my neighbor that we would stain his deck for free, pressure wash his house, sweep and wash down the side of his house. I even offered to hire a professional cleaning crew to clean the exterior of his house to brand new condition.
Well, my neighbor is very upset at me, because he and his wife had just cleaned their windows a day ago, and the stuff on the side of their house/yard got dirty.
I was on very good terms with this neighbor, and we helped each out a lot with various things. But he turned down my offer of help on every single item, even though I can tell that he and his wife are very upset still.
I don't know what else to do, and feel very bad about the whole situation. It's not easy when a good friend who helps me with good intentions accidentally dirties a neighbor's house. To my eyes the neigbhor's house is not that dirty, kind of like when a rain storm came through and got dirt on the yard.
What would you guys / gals think should be done to fix this situation???
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clipped

if there is anything you can do. Don't make excuses or explain. Next, tell your contractor freind, nicely if possible, that you need notice if he wants to work on your house. Providing you want his "services" - too damn pushy for me.
When there are major messes or hazards, your neighbors should be informed in advance. Painting or pressure washing can drift onto neighbors property/house/car, so they should have a heads up. We had a tree trimmer show up at our condo while the neighboring condo was being painted. Trimming palms makes a lot of dirt fly, and the painter happened to have just finished the closest side of the condo to us, so I was afraid the dirt would land on the wet paint. I told the tree guy they had just painted the near side, and he went over and talked to the painter so they could stay out of each other's way. The tree guy started farthest away from the wet paint, and by the time he came around the paint was dry. It was a big job, so it could have been a big mess.
Whatever caused your friend to schedule work without notice to you is beyond friendship - what if you were entertaining or the neighbor was on the day he picked for pressure washing? If he blasted leaves and dirt all over the neighbor he should have rinsed it off.
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In alt.home.repair on 13 Jul 2003 15:20:39 -0700 snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (Auto Lover) posted:

Wait two or three days, and offer again, maybe starting small and building up, like I guess you did the first time.
If that doesn't work, wait 4 or 5 more days or until you see some sign he is mellowing, and offer again. In the system I have been taught, one has to apologize and make the kind of offers you have made 3 times, and after that the responsibility shifts.
Make sure you apologize that 3rd time even if he doesn't mellow, but I can imagine waiting as much as 6 months. Maybe do the third one pretty early, wait 6 months and apologize a fourth time. What have you got to lose?
Personally if I were in your neighbor's shoes I would appreciate the explanation you gave us. Even though in theory I know that just about every wrong done me could have had a reasonable, innocent, accidental explanation, it's much more convincing to me when I'm told what it is.
Maybe if he seems to be getting bored or disgruntled when you explain, stop.
Tell him how sorry you are and how much you have valued his friendship. Deemphasize, probabyl don't mention at all, the favors you have done for each other. Do you think you did more for him than he did for you? Then he might think he did more for you. :) Do you think he did more for you than you did for him? Then he might think you are right. :) So you don't want to be seen to be apologizing just so you can do each other favors again.
OH, yes, you should probably apologize to his wife, with him, or if you don't find them together, separately. Maybe all 4 times. :)
If he's holding things up, she might say, after the second time, I'll talk to him., or she might do it without saying it. Or they could be two peas in a pod.
I have been on good terms with almost all my n'bors, but one went wrong. He had bought within the previous month, and each time I saw him, I kept telling him stuff about the houses, sump pmupms etc. In the middle of the third one of these, he abruptly broke it off. Later I found out he was over 40 and divorced, probably owned a house before. I thought he was 30 and it was his first house. He probably thought I was patronizing him. I figured this out 3 or 4 years ago, and invited him to get a drink. He turned me down, but seemed to treat me much nicer since then. But I think I have to explain t his stuff to him eventually anyhow.
Meirman
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This changes everything.
First, if they are such jerks, then you need to protect yourself.
I strongly suggest contacting an attorney to help you draft a letter, that documents all the offers you have made them. Tell them you will make one final offer to fix the problem.
If they are really so unwilling to work with you, they may in fact be working behind your back against you with their own attorney!
Meantime, be sure to deal with any harassment they give you as politely as possible, but make sure you stand up for yourself and don't look like a pushover. If the dog is in your face and they don't respond to your request to take him in, then call the police! Or turn on the sprinkler!
I'm not advocating escalation, mind you. But I had a really lousy neighbor situation in my last residence. I was a total pansy while they treated me abysmally. When I moved to my new house, I got unlucky again. I went to put up a fence, with permit, and the neighbor behind me went ballistic. Called and told me that I should have asked her permission, claimed to know the law, etc. I sent her a polite letter stating the facts, and insisted (politely) that she'd better basically shut up and leave me alone, that I wasn't going to be treated that way! She hasn't bothered me since. Meantime, I've always waved to her and said hello whenever I've seen her. She has responded a couple of times.
It turns out that this woman has treated all her neighbors in the same way, and she has no friends. This may be true of your neighbors as well.
Meantime, ask yourself honestly "what else could I be doing that might be irritating them"? Your signature calls you an "auto lover". You don't work on cars on your property, do you? Perhaps they are upset about that, or something else similar.
Good luck.

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"noted that the house was in like new condition"
As stated in my previous post, I think that is the issue. BTW, even if you work on your car, as long as you are not breaking any zoning/hoa laws you are okay.
------------------------------ http://iBuyMinis.Us

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In alt.home.repair on 15 Jul 2003 23:40:16 -0700 snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (Auto Lover) posted:

Maybe that is what is upsetting the neighbors. I hate people who are cleaner than I am. And that's almost everyone.
Or, his mother is dying, her father is going senile, their kid has just been diagnosed with lupus, they themselves are fighting and near divorce
Eventually, by or before 6 months I think, it will be too late to clean their house. The rain will have done it or the windows would need washing anyhow, a second time if done now. It's not too late for the 3rd (or 4th?) apology, but some other favor seems appropriate if you haven't done anything.
The idea of flowers and whatever else was suggested, sometime in the next 30 days, sounds good to me. Don't pick them from their yard..
BTW, I don't know what lupus is. If it's not serious enough, pick something more serious.
Meirman
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Try a group on baby-sitting neighborhood disputes.
--
Mike


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mark Ransley wrote:

are you ever coherent? look it up....
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WRITE DEAR ABBY

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D Smyth wrote:

In case you didn't notice, she croaked some time ago...
Jeff
--
Jeff Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)

"I before E except after C"....(The height of insufficient weird ancient
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On 13 Jul 2003 06:45:37 -0700, snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (Auto Lover) wrote:

Do the same thing your other neighbor did, call up an hour in advance and inform them that you'll be performing services that were not asked for on their house.
That's my kneejerk reaction.
Actually, the compensation you offered your other neighbor was way more than adequate for the damage done. He probably just didn't want to place a burden on you, which is probably what I would have done had I been in a similar situation. Since you seem to be very friendly with both your neighbors, maybe you could get neighbor A (the overzealous guy with the pressure washer) to accompany you in a visit to neighbor B's place of residence. Maybe then overzealous neighbor A can explain the circumstances to dismayed neighbor B, then offer to restore the house to its previous condition, and then hopefully you can all be enjoying a cookout and several beers together, preferably in neighbor A's yard since he's the one who trashed neighbor B's house in the first place. Sounds like a doable plan to me. But then, I don't know your neighbors, so YMMV.
candeh
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This why i don't talk to my neighbors no more than a hi when see them, lived here 10 yrs don't even know there last names, they don't ask to borror from nor do I ask from them its GREAT!

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030713 1109 - snipped-for-privacy@thelast.mile wrote:

Yes, I would definitely continue negotiations with your neighbor in this way, with the help of the one who did the work. Your neighbor and his wife probably festered over this for a few hours and maybe have reached the point of contacting a lawyer. Best you continue to be friendly with him and continue to negotiate along with the help of the one who did the work. This whole incident could lead to some very ugly results if you do not continue to work on it.
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HELLO???????????????
They said they don't want help.
He should leave them alone.
-Tim
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"Auto Lover" wrote in message [Snip]

Yes you can tell him no! It is your house and your life. If you don't want something done, say no, but thank you for offering. If it offends someone else when you say no, then that is their problem. Also it seems that he thought you *did* want your house pressure washed. When you learn that someone else thinks you want something other than what you *really* want, correct them right then and there by informing them of the way you actually feel. Just talk to them and say I feel this way or I feel that way. This is better for everyone all around.
[Snip]

If you offered to repair the damage and they did not accept, there is nothing more you can do. So just drop it. If you have lost them as friends, then so be it. You can only do so much. You might try one last time by writing them a letter. Say that you feel bad about what happened, say you will continue to feel bad unless they let you repay them in some way. Maybe take them out to dinner or something. If they don't respond to that, then you have done all you can. Maybe in December get them a nice Christmas present and maybe they will have cooled down by then???
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They'll get over it. Give it a few weeks and then go knock on his door with beer and cake.
If he can't forgive after your generous offers then screw him and his wife. By the way it seems like you were excessive in your offers for just getting his house dirty. Also, if you do want to make it up to them go over there and set a date for one of the offers. It seems more genuine when you say to someone I can be there on this date. Instead of I'll do this and that and leaving it open ended.

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quoting:

yea right! If I tried that with *MY* neighbor, he'd just rip the beer out of my hands and slam the door in my face. If you still have access to the pressure washer, shove it down his throut, full blast.
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Maybe an offer to screw them both at the outset would get results.
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snipped-for-privacy@optonline.net says...

I don't know...that might be going just a bit far to try to get back on their good side.
                    -Tim
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