Man Scrambled by Satellite Dish

June 5, 2009

Denver Colorado

A 59 year old man was scrambled this morning when the satellite dish became detached from his roof and attacked him. A witness said the dish began rotating very rapidly. Sparks were then emitted from the dish and a large cloud of smoke filled the sky as the dish flew off the roof, setting the home on fire. The dish then attacked the man, knocking him down, by repeatedly hitting him in the head. Within seconds the man was scrambled on his front lawn, resembling a scrambled egg. An elderly neighbor who suffers from alzheimers disease saw the scrambled man on the lawn, and thought it was his breakfast. He then ate the man with bacon bits, a dash of pepper and jelly toast. After breakfast, he entered the burning home and vanished. No traces of this neighbor have been found in the ruins of the home. It is believed that he was vaporized and has been transmitted to another televison network.

The identity of the man is being withheld, pending investigation. Dish Network was contacted, but they refuse to comment, saying they will be preparing a statement in the next century.

A church service and wake will be held at St. Coax Catholic Church at

7pm on Monday June 8, 2009. Father Brain Dedd will announce the funeral arrangements at the conclusion of the movie Jesus Christ Superstar which will be shown on the cable network at 8pm. Everyone is invited except satellite dish owners.

Robert Goldman, reporter The Courier News ©2009

Reply to
RobertGoldman
Loading thread data ...

I used to go to that church, but I found that it just too much of an impedance for me.

Jon

Reply to
Jon Danniken

Did you ever meet Sister Mary Middle Linebacker of the Holy Right Cross??

Reply to
Kurt Ullman

No, but I had Sister Godzilla as my first grade teacher.

TDD

Reply to
The Daring Dufas

Resistance is futile.

Reply to
George Kerby

No but I have seen Our Lady of Perpetual Agony.

Reply to
George Kerby

On 6/6/2009 12:12 PM George Kerby spake thus:

I prefer Our Ladies of Perpetual Indulgence (a San Francisco phenomenon):

formatting link

Reply to
David Nebenzahl

On 6/6/2009 2:38 PM David Nebenzahl spake thus:

Sorry, that's the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence:

formatting link

Reply to
David Nebenzahl

Being a non-Catholic, I don't know much about this sort of stuff, but I have heard of an "Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility" church. I believe it's in Lake Woebegone, Minnesota.

TJ

Reply to
TJ

HomeOwnersHub website is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.