Man attacked by Omulet causes New Orleans disaster

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In the eye of hurricane Katrina, Michael Smithe was cooking an Omulet in his New Orleans kitchen. Suddenly the omulet came to life and jumped out of the frying pan, hitting Smithe in the face and knocking him unconscious on his kitchen floor. The omulet then crashed thru his kitchen window and was sucked out into the atmosphere by the hurricane winds.
This omulet was just discovered by the American Red Cross next to a section of collapsed levee in the city. It is believed that this omulet caused the collapse of that levee and charges have been filed against Smithe. However, Smithe has been unable to defend himself, since he was found near death on his kitchen floor six days after Katrina destroyed the city. Smithe was not only extremely dehydrated, but suffers severe facial damage and has lost his eyesight as a result of the omulet smashing into his face.
Smithe was able to briefly write his story on a piece of paper after receiving surgery, telling doctors what caused his severe facial damage, and ended by writing these words "Never trust an omulet, they are dangerous and must be avoided at all costs".
This story was just released by the doctors at the request of Smithe's family, who feel that his message must be told to the world, and they said that they are extremely sorry that their father was the cause of the worst disaster in US history, but went on to say that Michael was never a very good cook, and he did not do it intentionally. They asked for forgiveness and said that they are asking the Lord for salvation.
Ralph Garcia - Wild News International
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Was this a combination breakfast/good luck charm?
Gabby
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no, it was part of the network's "invasion" cast.
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Was that a 2-egg omulet, or 3?
Best regards, Bob
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snipped-for-privacy@wildnewsinternational.com wrote:

<snipped>
Omulet... Is that anything like an oubliette?
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson
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"OmManiPadmeOmelet" | Omulet... | Is that anything like an oubliette?
I just figured it out. It's our favourite breakfast food made with emu eggs.
Gabby
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<snicker>
Emulet anyone?????
Personally, I like emu egg breakfast tacos with Chorizo and jack cheese. ;-d
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson
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@wildnewsinternational.com says...

Boiling an omulet? Do you mean an _omelette_, like a poached egg? Or an _amulet_, a good luck charm? If it was the latter, it wasn't too lucky for him.
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An Omulet is an ancient Toltec charm in the shape of an egg. It wards off floods in low lying areas, and must be boiled to release its hoodoo.
M
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It's not Toltec, except possibly by contamination with pre-columbian european travellers of some sort. An omulet is a OMIN detector. It measures the amount of "OMIN" in a cloud system. Most people can get at least an approximation of the omin content of a cloud by eye, but an omulet is a more objective measure, and far more accurate and reliable.
("OMIN" is an indo-european root-word meaning pretty much the same thing as it's modern american cognate "Oh, MAN!".)
Since this was a really ominous cloud system, this particular omulet manifestly overloaded and failed catastrophically, which means that it measured the amount of OMIN perfectly accurately. The storm was, after all, KATastrophic.
--Goedjn
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I love it.
M
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out these words:

in the States, it's sometimes spelled 'omlet.' IOW, there must be more than one spelling for the same thing.
it's like the whole Romania/Rumania thing. or not. :)
david
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On Thu, 29 Sep 2005 05:10:39 -0500, snipped-for-privacy@wildnewsinternational.com wrote:

Why did you omit the fact that his 7 year old daughter was violentely raped by the Omulet and then her neck snapped like a matchstick? I read that in numerous news sources so I know it is true.
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Sherman wrote:

Well I heard it from a cousin who heard it from his friend who overheard it in a diner. My evidence is better than yours.
Harry K
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snipped-for-privacy@wildnewsinternational.com wrote: :: In the eye of hurricane Katrina, Michael Smithe was cooking an Omulet :: in his New Orleans kitchen. Suddenly the omulet came to life and :: jumped out of the frying pan, hitting Smithe in the face and knocking :: him unconscious on his kitchen floor. The omulet then crashed thru :: his kitchen window and was sucked out into the atmosphere by the :: hurricane winds. ::
BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.
"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."
The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.
"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."
The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.
"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"
However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.
"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."
"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.
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Jim wrote: > BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush

What wasn't included in this release is that all present and former Louisiana residents are being deported back to Canada. Canadian government representatives could not be reached for comment.
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pennyaline wrote:

No thanks. We don't want them. They never were Canadian. They were booted out of Acadia because they couldn't be trusted not to keep their word not to attack the American Colonies. They were evicted 100 years before Canada became a country.
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Hmmmmm. I'll have to think about this. It just might work. If sold, those conservative screwballs in Shreveport couldn't keep trying to take the spice out of New Orleans' hot sauce.
And if the sale could be extended to the Louisiana Purchase, think of all those wuthless red states that we'd git shut of. But I don't think France could handle Kansas and Montana. I suspect they might try to sell them to Iran where fundamentalism is a way of life.
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I've had this idea of getting rid of the many politicians in Washington by combining states. Do we really need 100 senators? Let cut it in half or more. There won't be any North and South anything. Just make one big Carolina. Same with Dakota, but toss in Nebraska too as no one pays much attention to it anyway.
Delaware and Maryland hardly take up any space so combine them with the Virginias. New Jersey has become a suburb of New York, so split it and give the other half to PA. Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Colorado makes a nice box of a state. You get the idea. Now we double the number of citizens represented by House members and effectively cut that group by half too. Can you see the streamlined efficient Congress now?
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Georgia. Move the Braves to Chattanooga, then sell it too along with Florida and Texas.
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