Mailbox madness


On another newsgroup, there was a complaint about mailbox vandalism - especially during Halloween. The thread prompted the following:
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Screw that!
I'd make the sonofabitch look like something out of a Mad Max movie, all spikes and points and curly things, festooned with barbed wire and scary gargoyles. Some of the figures would snort real smoke, and an occasional flame. Slime would drip. Moans would be heard - except when someone touched the box, then it would scream like a tormented banshee. I'd paint it black, except for the eyes which would glow in the dark and follow you wherever you went, much like a velvet painting of Elvis (or Jesus, I forget which) I used to have.
Then, if the neighborhood owner's association complained about how hideous it was, I put a curse on them.
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The most effective method is as follows: Take you a standard sized mailbox and remove the door. Put this mailbox into the next size larger mailbox. Stand this assembly on end and weight the smaller inner box by filling it with sand or bricks or gravel. Whatever you have for weight. NOW, get you a bag of mortar mix from the hardware store, mix it up and pour it between the little box and the big one. After the cement cures, install as usual on a wood post. When the little bastards hit that with a baseball bat, they'll know they hit something!!
--
Steve Barker


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