Important Recall Notice

May 22, 2006
Important Recall Notice. Just announced today.
Attention Men.
This is an important recall for all males born between August 1, 1978 until November 1, 1989. All men born during this time period, your penis is being recalled. It has been discovered that the penis of men born during this time have a serious flaw which causes explosive ejaculatory malfunction during intercourse. Because of this flaw, many women are suffering from internal damage to the vagina which is causing them to become more fertile than the average female, thus inducing above normal pregnancies and causing rupture of the capillaries surrounding the vaginal wall. This is a serious matter.
All men born during this time period are required by law to return their penis for inspection and replacement. Any man who does not return his penis by June 15, 2006 will be arrested, receive a large fine not to exceed $25,000, and the person will be placed under the care of a prison physician, until the faulty penis is removed and/or replaced.
All men born during this time period are being asked to refrain from all sexual activity until their penis is inspected and/or replaced. All females are being asked to avoid all sexual contact with men born during this time period. Women are being told to ask for legal identification from all males with whom they seek sexual gratification, and are being told to seek older men until the recall is completed.
To return your penis, simply go to any U.S. hospital and provide identification proving you are a US Citizen, Male, and you were born during the recall dates. (Birth certificate required). There is no charge for this. If you prefer, you can return your penis by U.S. Mail. Simply cut off your penis, place it in a sturdy box and package according to the U.S. Postal Service's requirements. You will be required to pay postage using this method. If your penis is faulty, a replacement penis will be mailed to you. If your original penis is found to be flawless, it will be returned to you. Please allow 8 to 12 weeks for your approved penis to arrive.
Do not delay. This is a serious matter.
U.S. Recall Center
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On Mon, 22 May 2006 23:53:53 -0500, snipped-for-privacy@U.SRecall_Center.gov wrote:

Does this mean the men serving in Iraq need to come home to fulfill this recall? I hope they all return for this.
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