How a "shoe lace" saved our @#$

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On Fri, 07 Oct 2005 10:15:39 -0700, Doug Chadduck

You had day?
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"FACE" wrote

Monty Python's Flying Circus - "Four Yorkshiremen" [ from the album Live At Drury Lane, 1974 ]
The Players: Michael Palin - First Yorkshireman; Graham Chapman - Second Yorkshireman; Terry Jones - Third Yorkshireman; Eric Idle - Fourth Yorkshireman;
The Scene: Four well-dressed men are sitting together at a vacation resort. 'Farewell to Thee' is played in the background on Hawaiian guitar.
------------------------------------------------------------------
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: Nothing like a good glass of Chβteau de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: You're right there, Obadiah.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chβteau de Chasselas, eh?
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: A cup o' cold tea.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Without milk or sugar.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: Or tea.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: In a cracked cup, an' all.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Aye, 'e was right.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: Aye, 'e was.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: Cardboard box?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: Aye.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN: Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN: And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.
ALL: They won't!
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Bill wrote:

Hi, Wondering how old the truck is and ever do regular maintenance on it? Tony
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"Tony Hwang" wrote in message

It is an 81 with probably over 500,000 miles on it. I try to keep it in good operating order. (Has recently rebuilt engine, etc.) Actually I was just about to take it into the shop to have the front end worked on....
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on
a
the
He
then
(long
turn
much).
truck
I was thinking along those same lines while reading the OP. Amazing that anyone should still be driving a vehicle without doing regular maintenance and would not have repaired a worn tie rod long before it fell off.
I'm going to file this one along with the posts about people who never check their furnaces then post here asking for help that it does not work and the temp is now -40 degrees in the house. Or those that post that their bathtubs just fell through the rotted out floor after water was leaking through a wall for the last decade.
AMUN
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wrote:

Always the sideline quarterbacks who say stuff like this. FYI, a beater or farm truck is just that - an old truck that one has nothing invested in that he beats around the woods in, hauling rocks, hay, feed, firewood and the like. Maintenance consists of fixing stuff when it breaks, and then only enough to keep it running.
Only a fool would spend the money to say, rebuild the front end, when the whole truck might be worth $100 and could be replaced for another $100. Fix what breaks and use the thing til too many things break too often, then drop it off at the wrecking yard and find another one.
John
--
John De Armond
See my website for my current email address
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regular
fell
I know full well what a "beater" is and have owned several in my lifetime.
But tie rods don't just fall off without ANY warning. You will already have problems steering long before sudden failure occurs
I was advised long ago, you can't get into problems with 2 tons of metal that won't start or go. But you can get into one heck of a lot of problems when it won't stop.
the engine can belch smoke, the trans may howl or not go into a gear or two, and the fenders may flap in the breeze
But dammit, the brakes and steering are no place to save a few bucks.
You may not give a rat's ass about yourself, but it's always the innocent ones that get hit head on by people who saved a few bucks/
AMUN
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Yeah, Tony, because shit never just, you know, breaks, regardless of how it's maintained, is that it?
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Why do you even talk to these people?
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Well, I guess in this case to somewhat give him a "piss off" message, and somewhat to express some sort of support for the guy who came up with a damn good solution to a problem, on the fly, and sharing it with us.
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Dave Hinz wrote:

Especially tie-rod ends, when you bounce over rough ground, like at the edge of a track.
Now, if you could drop then out in the carpark of your local parts store and x-ray them inside for 50c, then I'm sure that they'd get replaced more often. (I hate steering gear.)
....Brock.
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I held temporarily held a muffler up in my vette when a bolt for the hanger fell out and was lost. I used dental floss!!!! It's incredibly strong. Held in normal driving for 20 miles until I could get home.
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I think it is a brilliant post... Bill... ignore the judgemental jackasses who feel the need to constantly lecture those of us who don't worship the God of preventive mainenance..
Hey.. when it breaks I fix it... It works for me.. .life is a little more fun that way.
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Larry Bud wrote:

We used to call things like that works doughnuts ("Works, don't it?). In my days as a provider of roadside assistance on the toll road I was fond of using hose clamps and Quaker State oil cans (which were still made of metal at that time) as exhaust pipe repair parts. Duro made an epoxy putty that came as a blue strip next to a yellow strip (mix until smooth green) which could patch small holes in gas tanks. One of my fellow workers claimed to have used a woman's panty hose as a fan-belt but I think that was a tall story because we got extra credit for selling belts and hoses even if it meant an extra trip back to the service station to get the necessary part. But no one could do anything with the kid who had borrowed his holder brother's muscle car and had it break down. When Greg got there the kid was holding a piece of connecting rod and he said "This fell out of the bottom. Can you put it back?" Greg took the air cleaner cover off and made a show of trying to put it back down through the carburetor. Then he called the tow truck.
--
"Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital.
Capital is the fruit of labor and could not exist
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My Father-in-law always said, "God could forgive a thief, but never a teller of tall tales." These tales appear very tall. JD
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snipped-for-privacy@sbcglobal.net wrote:

I'd be more skeptical of anyone who claims to know what God will or won't forgive than of someone who says they drove a few miles with a tie rod held in place by a shoelace. Who would make up such a story? The forces on a tie rod aren't exceptional with gentle driving.
I believe the story especially in light of memories of cars I semi-maintained in my college days. I'm probably the only person to ever to put a Willies flat head jeep engine and transmission into an Austin Healey Sprite and did it in the dorm parking lot. It cost me $30 including the wrecked jeep. I made the brackets in the physics department machine shop. Drove it for nearly a year afterwards.
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Louis Boyd wrote:

Then you should be quite skeptical of the present US administration.
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None of them surpise me at all. I had a '72 Chevy Impala I drove for a month with the drive shaft vibrating so bad I couldn't go over 30 mph. The damn thing fell out one day as I was going over the railroad tracks at all of 10 mph. I had a '72 Buick Skylark I drove for a full six months with no reverse. You just had to be careful where you parked. I had a '74 Dodge van that had side pipes and the exhaust actually passed inspection with beer can/hose clamp repairs.
When I was married to my first husband we had a farm truck the steering was so loose there was at least 6 inches play in the steering wheel. You honestly didn't drive that truck, you herded it. I have no idea what year that truck was but I'd be surprised if it was newer than about '60.
Kathy
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For the record... my definition of a beater is one which the gas in a full tank is worth more than the vehicle.
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And thanks to the current fuel prices, beaters are getting nicer every day.
-Tim
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