A friend and I were talking the other night and he surmised that Home Depot has done so well there is no reason why a Homie Depot® wouldn't be just as successful. At first I thought it was absurd but after thinking about it for a while it started to make sense. Aren't n****rs always harping about having "their own" this or that? Niggers have some pretty distinct tastes and purchasing habits that just aren't being met by Wal-Mart, The Dollar Store, K-Mart and Value City. For you white folks out there, wouldn't it be great to go shopping and not have to tolerate unsupervised little nigglets, massive shoplifting, n****rs breaking ketchup bottles and n****rs bickering over the price of each and every single junk food item they are purchasing via Food Stamps?
Naturally we want to model Homie Depot® after the infamous Home Depot. Here's a list of some of the more popular products that would be offered along with some special considerations that would need to be addressed at Homie Depot®.
:: The Products ::
Condiments are a must staple for all n***er diets. All foods need to slathered in mayonnaise, ketchup, BBQ sauce, butter and salt. Remember the condiments make the meal and this is what the n***er is carrying on about when he's talking about "flava". Homie Depot® would definitely have a condiment aisle stocked with 5 to
55 gallon drums of n***er's favorite artery clogging sauce. Your mainstream stores simply do not carry the variety and quantities of condiments that n****rs desire.Hawaiian Punch has been a long time favorite of n****rs and it's as close as n****rs gets to drinking pure water. Of course Hawaiian Punch wouldn't be the only sugary drink sold. We'd have plenty of Hi-C, Kool Aid and extra sweet Pineapple and Chocolate sodas in the 15 liter bottles. You're never to old for children's drinks when you're a n***er and Homie Depot® would definitely have a sugary soft drink aisle. To hell with Type II diabetes and obesity, n****rs need that "flava"!
The junk food aisle would be placed right smack in the middle of Homie Depot because it would be the busiest aisle. Items will be broken down by breakfast junk foods, lunch junk foods and dinner junks foods. For example we wouldn't mix the Lay's BBQ Chips with the Ruffles Traditional chips because everyone knows that BBQ chips are for supper and that traditional chips are for the most important meal of the day, the noon breakfast. Yes we will stock everything from Pork Rinds to Fried Chicken Skins and we guarantee that nothing will be fat free. It goes without saying but for the record we will not sell any healthy fresh produce. Why would we do that?
Closely related to our food line would be our BBQ supply aisle. We all know, based on each and every rap video ever made, that n****rs love to eat BBQ food in public parks. Our biggest seller would be the industrial size aluminum foil. All n***er BBQs feature reams of scattered and tattered pieces of aluminum foil. You can cook off it, wrap food with it, use it as a plate, make a crack pipe out of it and make a hat out of it. Of course we'll also sell the worlds cheapest grills and there will be plenty of low-grade charcoal so you can douse it with about 16 gallons of lighter fluid. The lighter fluid gives it the "flava".
But hey, a n***er can't live on junk food alone. There are other important commodities that n****rs need that the white stores fail to supply in the quantities that the n***er desires. Toiletries come to mind. All that superfluous crap that the white stores sells like toothpaste and deodorant have no place at Homie Depot®. When talking toiletries we're talking two things: Vaseline and Cocoa Butter. What else do you need? Vaseline is the wonder product. You can use it as a lip balm, toof paste, for hair sheen, to treat hemorrhoids, the crabs, the clap, herpes, as a sexual lubricant, hell you can even fry chicken and grits with it. All n****rs know how important Cocoa Butter is to personal hygiene. After playing
5 hours of basketball in the heat just rub on a tube of cocoa butter. It's just as good as a shower and some n****rs go months with never taking a shower. The coca butter rub is also known as the n***er shower.We all know how important a n***er's hair is to him. This is especially true for the niggress and all those lovely wigs she wears. Well we'll have it all. We'll stock doo-rags, braiding and corn- row products, wigs, wigs and more wigs, and naturally hair extensions. Homie Depot® will be one-stop-shopping for all your freaky nappy hair needs.
Since they are so closely associated we will stock stolen firearms and all your basketball needs in one aisle. For some reason the n***er has merged bouncing a round ball with killing each other. Hey we're not here to judge we're here to provide the services you require and we'll be offering a unique deal. With every purchase of $500 basketball sneakers you will get one stolen handgun free of charge! You'll need it when walking from Homie Depot® to the bus stop with your new kicks. We know that your basketball sneakers will be the most important item you ever purchase so we will only carry n***er-authorized basketball sneakers. This is our personal guarantee to you.
We know that shopping can be a real hassle. You have to go to a bodega for your junk food, the wig shop for your hair and then a liquor store for you malt beverages. At Homie Depot® we will stock all your favorite liquors so you don't have to dig into your loafing time. We will carry all the standard ghetto malt liquors and sweet wines. We also offer an added benefit. Everyone knows how important Courvoisier is for status conscious n****rs. Leading n****rs are always talking about Courvoisier this, Courvoisier that but we all know that your ass is too broke to afford Courvoisier. So we're introducing Courvoisi-Yo. Courvoisi-Yo will look just like Courvoisier but it will smell and taste like shit, literally. But hey, at least you can emulate all your favorite leading n****rs. Now we also know how important Kyrstal Champagne is to the n***er but once again you can't afford it. No problem. We came a cross and abandoned warehouse on the Eastside of Cleveland that was full of Champale. Remember that awful ghetto drink from the
70's? Well it's back and while it's not Kyrstal it's as good as it gets for a welfare mook. You can always claim you're "going old skool" with the Champale, that wonderfull concoction of malt liquor and bubbly wine.This by no means an exhaustive list, so feel free to reply to this post with further product suggestions.
Kickin' it wit' my ho,
-- Deeandre' Babydaddy