We all love to rant and I appreciate you situation. On the other hand, you and I both know why the contractors function the way that they do.
Too many people ignore the contractors caveats as he says "this is an extremely crude estimate that I really hate to give over the phone, blah, blah." And some homeowners fail to mention important details over the phone.
One of my neighbors pressured a contractor for a "rough estimate" over the phone. Impressed with the price, he took some time off from work one day to met the contractor at home. The on-site estimate was about
4 time the phone estimate and my neighbor went ballistic - accusing the contractor of low-balling him with the phone estimate (which the contractor didn't want to give in the first place!). I don't know the contractor, but I know that he has a very good reputation in our area and seems to have a record of fair estimates and good work. He wasted his time on the phone, wasted his time on the visit to the home, he's not getting any revenue for this effort, and he has an irate homeowner who is badmouthing him.
You may not like my suggestion, but when I can't get estimates easily, then I type a description of the work & take a photo or two if helpful. I send copies to several good contractors along with self addressed envelops, a map & directions to my home and a typed note explaining that I am aware that such an estimate can be very inaccurate. For exterior work, I give them a fair amount of time to reply since some of them will stop by and look at the work when they are in my area.
This sounds like a lot of work on my part, but after doing this several times, I've already got some good "boilerplate" from previous times to make it easy to do again. For example, the map & driving directions haven't changed in many years and I've got a photocopy machine at home to copy them with little hassle. Etc.
Gideon