Do you do?

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I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith business. "Do you do combination locks?"
Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault, padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe, briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?
Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the combination to match someting else?
I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be useful for the two or three customers who call each week and want to know if I do car locks.
At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a hat?" I guess those are objects.
Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?
--
Christopher A. Young
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Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
Let us know how that works out for you.
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On Apr 30, 10:25 pm, snipped-for-privacy@milmac.com (Doug Miller) wrote:

Just one lost customer, and 3 car locks a week, no big deal right.
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On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, snipped-for-privacy@milmac.com (Doug Miller) wrote:

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone number listed at a business website. Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has not been corrected. Another great business man.
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wrote:

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone number listed at a business website. Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has not been corrected. Another great business man.
I'd tell all subsequent callers that ..."sorry, I'm out of business. Instead call (insert another locksmith's phone number)...he can help you."
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Or tell all subsequent callers my tech will be there in half an hour. If he doesn't show up, call the boss on his cell phone. And then give out the actual number of the locksmith business. Of course, no one shows up.
Your answer might work better.
--
Christopher A. Young
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Frank wrote:

But you can return the favor by reporting that you heard he is out of business due to problems with the government.
Lou
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Frank wrote:

Is it an actual website or just one of those business directory sites that just leech information?
My buddy has had a problem with google for a long time. They have a business locater thing. His business is located in a commercial space in the same town as where his parents live. His parents are elderly and in ill health and it is clearly a residence but lots of sales people show up banging on his parents door to make cold sales calls because they got the information from google. My friend spent over six months before an actual person from google contacted him. The person said they would fix it but he had to prove to them that they were in error. He submitted lots of information and they still haven't fixed their error and won't respond.
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George wrote:

Since he has a phone number he should ask for the legal dept as well as giving google lots of free bad publicity.
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wrote:

Give subsequent callers a quote..."49.95 plus a pair of our wife's panties. 10% discount if she's in heat."
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Red Green wrote:

"our" wife's.... LOL
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a typo...but maybe a good one :-)
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Frank wrote:

Unless the web site in question belongs to the locksmith, you are talking to the wrong person. Contact the sysadmin at the web site that is showing the wrong number, and tell them one of their listed companies made a typo, and that YOU own the number and want it removed. You can even supply him with the correct number, if you happen to know it. Yes, the idiot locksmith in the listing should have had it corrected, but since he won't, you can either fix the problem yourself, or deal with the irritation.
-- aem sends...
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aemeijers wrote:

Good advice!
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I would suggest the Webmaster that set up the page. The sysadim at the server farm, may be in different parts of the world.
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Oren wrote:

They still call themselves webmasters? I thought that was passe, being such a 1990s buzzword. A well-run web site has a contact point listed at the bottom, but for some you have to do a lot of online digging based on the domain name.
-- aem sends...
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I guess they do. Google Webmaster Central http://www.google.com/webmasters/index.html
Our headquarters are located in the heart of Silicon Valley.
Google Inc. 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway Mountain View, CA 94043 Phone: +1 650-253-0000 Fax: +1 650-253-0001
Just sayin' as we haven't seen the offending web page.
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Years ago, my parents home phone was a couple digits away from TWO totally different hardware stores. We'd get calls for one hardware, or the other. I finally stopped telling folks they dialed the wrong number. Whatever it was they wanted, we had five or six in stock, and choice of colors. Just come in and ask for Fred.
--
Christopher A. Young
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On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, snipped-for-privacy@milmac.com (Doug Miller) wrote:

Pfft. Some customers you don't want. Those are usually the stupid.
I had a great comeback: 1.5-10 times my usual fee, or whatever they had in their account, plus $100.
Stupid surcharge. -----
- gpsman
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That's just about the snotty level I'm seeking. You're hired!
--
Christopher A. Young
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