Can you guys get your teen kids to work with you around the house?

[Tony944]

My suggestion: Soap Box Derby Racing. This is just an example, it's up to you figure out what activity your kids will like. It's the concept that matters.

***MAPS, BROOMs, and RAGS clean the house you worthless shit** NO PHONEs, NO IPADs, NO BOOM BOXs, NO TVs

Contact your local (or closest) chapter of the AASBD and find out who runs the program. You could start at the top and work your way down:

All 4 of my kids were involved in Derby racing. They all knew that if they didn't help with the cars *and with chores around the house* they didn't race. If they didn't race, they didn't get to hang out with all the new friends that they made from across the country.

You want to motivate a kid? Tell him that his 3 siblings are going to spend the weekend 3 states over, hanging out by the hotel pool with 20 or 30 other racers for 2 nights while he stays home and thinks about the concept of being rewarded for putting in effort.

If they embrace that concept, it will spread across all aspects of their lives. They'll have tools in their hands. They'll build and fix things. They'll know that it takes effort to be rewarded and that working hard pays off. I've seen this work with literally thousands of kids over our 13 year racing career.

I was 100% sure that it had sunk in when this happened:

After 4 or 5 years of racing, my son bought a used riding mower so he could mow lawns to make some money. That's clue #1: If you work, you get rewarded (read: paid). He eventually saved enough to buy a new one. One day he said to me "Dad, I want to buy a cart to tow behind the mower so I can carry rakes and stuff. The cart has small wheels, but the old riding mower has big knobby ones like my new mower. I think we can cut the fenders on the cart and make them fit. Do you want to give me a hand?" That's clue #2: He knew that you can build and modify things to fit your needs. Tools are fun. Building is satisfying.

My point here is you need to motivate them and the best way to do that is to first, find something that sparks their interest, and second, withhold that activity if they take it for granted and don't put any effort into it.

[Tekkie®]

dpb posted for all of us...

+1 (Although I have no kids) They may be too far gone... I suspect the 19 is driving, so that is your crutch, the 13 is the phone. Gather the family around the table and explain (without judgment or anger) that the bux are going to stop unless you get their cooperation. You can blame economic times or age or whatever-that society changes as one grows older and this is part of it. New day at the ranch. Take the gas card away and the phone. Not as punishment as incentive. They are looking to their parents as examples. You have to provide the guidance, otherwise they will turn out to be slackers like protesters in NYC. Can't remember the name of them...

I don't know what demographic area you live in but their peers will put pressure on them. Remember they are probably doing acts which you don't condone so you will have a uphill battle. Get your wife on board. The way I was brought up was that was expected to help and get a job. It was ingrained by my parents.

[Tekkie®]

Muggles posted for all of us...

+1 I hadn't read this prior to my posting but it echoes every point I was trying to make.

Are the kids going to college or other schooling? What are they interested in? Don't be fooled by the candidates saying they will get a free education. If they are going you will have to have DEEP pockets.

[Harold R]

Tekkie® wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 14:55:22 -0400 ...

School is taken care of with a 529 plan.

[DerbyDad03]

The beneficiaries of a 529 plan can be changed. Just saying...

[dpb]

On 04/07/2016 9:08 AM, Harold R wrote: ...

Again, if haven't from time they were young, it is highly unlikely it's going to happen now...I was fortunate to have had the experience of growing up on a farm where there was an unending number of things to be done, much of which could be done by a youngster and that had at least a relationship to being meaningful. There wasn't anywhere to go so it was "tag along" or else as far as being around Dad (and earlier, grandfather) and so most of the skillset you're trying to instill now began quite early. But, again, much of it was enforced in having to be the one to hold something or fetch something or similar when would have far preferred being somewhere else--farm in SW KS in July is hot and dry and so there were "better" ways to spend a day.

You don't have to go so far, of course, and really can't since amongst other things one can infer you're not working at home all day doing things they could participate in even if were so the opportunities are more limited. But, it's going to be a struggle to try to force interest once they've been allowed a free ride, essentially, up to now--it's just human nature and particularly kids don't come inbred with desire to do work and desirable traits that aren't expected are highly unlikely to come as first nature spontaneously.

The gadget culture is one of the most difficult barriers in breaking through and getting results other than the bare minimum we've come up with yet, unfortunately. They have benefits, but for kids who aren't already mature-enough to handle them, they're a cancer if left unchecked.

I really don't know how I would recommend a path forward but I agree it sounds like the kids need some real fast education on the road to independence and thus commend you for at least thinking about it.

[Ed Pawlowski]

snip

It starts young. Kids have to be shown that helping out is part of being a family. If they see some benefit they are more willing to do it. By benefit, I don't mean a new X-Box. I mean simple things like a nice thank you and compliment how it helps mom or dad to get a break. Or how we can go fishing early if we get the windows washed today.

The kids should also have assigned chores such as setting or clearing the table, taking the trash out, etc. Depending on the job, give them choices. Would you rather paint the fence of clean the deck? It has to be done by the time our guests arrive on Saturday. There has to be consequences if not done too.

[Harold R]

Ed Pawlowski wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 19:05:40 -0400 ...

They're good kids, but they're treated like kings at our house. Starts with the Southern European mother. The Father is a pushover also.

We didn't start young.

[Ed Pawlowski]

You have my condolences. Difficult to change now. I hope they at least learn to take responsibility for themselves as adults.

[Stormin Mormon]

Future Hillary! voters?

- . Christopher A. Young learn more about Jesus .

. .

[Harold R]

DerbyDad03 wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 12:49:03 -0700 ...

Heh heh heh ... good idea! :)

[Harold R]

Ed Pawlowski wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 20:25:42 -0400 ...

The older one is a good driver and a 3.8GPA college student, so, I hope so.

[dpb]

Well, at least is applying himself at the academics...where does find the time in competition with the video games described is curious, though. I see little chance of changing his behavior around the house at this point but it would seem that a beginning of requiring some responsibilities of contributing some to the household given the age and at college level would be a start towards some of the painful life lessons.

The younger still has some malleable time left, but it's awfully late in the game...

[Ameri-Clean]

t even "like" working around the house.

mps, raking the leaves, etc.

(like weeding) no matter what I can think of.

My father was a DIYer and always expected me to help around the house and h elp him with repairs. As a result, I grew up thinking I can handle most any project around the house. My 30 yo daughter learned from me too and tackle s stuff on her own in her condo. She took apart her kitchen sink drain, rep laced a disposer, painted her place, assembled KD furniture, etc. Saves ton s of money when you can do that stuff yourself.