Can you guys get your teen kids to work with you around the house?

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On Thursday, April 7, 2016 at 3:37:01 PM UTC-4, Harold R wrote:

The beneficiaries of a 529 plan can be changed. Just saying...
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DerbyDad03 wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 12:49:03 -0700 ...

Heh heh heh ... good idea! :)
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On 04/07/2016 9:08 AM, Harold R wrote: ...

Again, if haven't from time they were young, it is highly unlikely it's going to happen now...I was fortunate to have had the experience of growing up on a farm where there was an unending number of things to be done, much of which could be done by a youngster and that had at least a relationship to being meaningful. There wasn't anywhere to go so it was "tag along" or else as far as being around Dad (and earlier, grandfather) and so most of the skillset you're trying to instill now began quite early. But, again, much of it was enforced in having to be the one to hold something or fetch something or similar when would have far preferred being somewhere else--farm in SW KS in July is hot and dry and so there were "better" ways to spend a day.
You don't have to go so far, of course, and really can't since amongst other things one can infer you're not working at home all day doing things they could participate in even if were so the opportunities are more limited. But, it's going to be a struggle to try to force interest once they've been allowed a free ride, essentially, up to now--it's just human nature and particularly kids don't come inbred with desire to do work and desirable traits that aren't expected are highly unlikely to come as first nature spontaneously.
The gadget culture is one of the most difficult barriers in breaking through and getting results other than the bare minimum we've come up with yet, unfortunately. They have benefits, but for kids who aren't already mature-enough to handle them, they're a cancer if left unchecked.
I really don't know how I would recommend a path forward but I agree it sounds like the kids need some real fast education on the road to independence and thus commend you for at least thinking about it.
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On 4/7/2016 5:40 PM, dpb wrote:

It starts young. Kids have to be shown that helping out is part of being a family. If they see some benefit they are more willing to do it. By benefit, I don't mean a new X-Box. I mean simple things like a nice thank you and compliment how it helps mom or dad to get a break. Or how we can go fishing early if we get the windows washed today.
The kids should also have assigned chores such as setting or clearing the table, taking the trash out, etc. Depending on the job, give them choices. Would you rather paint the fence of clean the deck? It has to be done by the time our guests arrive on Saturday. There has to be consequences if not done too.
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Ed Pawlowski wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 19:05:40 -0400 ...

They're good kids, but they're treated like kings at our house. Starts with the Southern European mother. The Father is a pushover also.
We didn't start young.
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On 4/7/2016 7:46 PM, Harold R wrote:

You have my condolences. Difficult to change now. I hope they at least learn to take responsibility for themselves as adults.
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On 4/7/2016 8:25 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:

Future Hillary! voters?
- . Christopher A. Young learn more about Jesus . www.lds.org . .
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Ed Pawlowski wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 20:25:42 -0400 ...

The older one is a good driver and a 3.8GPA college student, so, I hope so.
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On 04/07/2016 8:10 PM, Harold R wrote:

Well, at least is applying himself at the academics...where does find the time in competition with the video games described is curious, though. I see little chance of changing his behavior around the house at this point but it would seem that a beginning of requiring some responsibilities of contributing some to the household given the age and at college level would be a start towards some of the painful life lessons.
The younger still has some malleable time left, but it's awfully late in the game...
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On Wednesday, April 6, 2016 at 11:40:31 PM UTC-4, Harold R wrote:

My suggestion: Soap Box Derby Racing. This is just an example, it's up to you figure out what activity your kids will like. It's the concept that matters.
Contact your local (or closest) chapter of the AASBD and find out who runs the program. You could start at the top and work your way down:
http://www.soapboxderby.org/
All 4 of my kids were involved in Derby racing. They all knew that if they didn't help with the cars *and with chores around the house* they didn't race. If they didn't race, they didn't get to hang out with all the new friends that they made from across the country.
You want to motivate a kid? Tell him that his 3 siblings are going to spend the weekend 3 states over, hanging out by the hotel pool with 20 or 30 other racers for 2 nights while he stays home and thinks about the concept of being rewarded for putting in effort.
If they embrace that concept, it will spread across all aspects of their lives. They'll have tools in their hands. They'll build and fix things. They'll know that it takes effort to be rewarded and that working hard pays off. I've seen this work with literally thousands of kids over our 13 year racing career.
I was 100% sure that it had sunk in when this happened:
After 4 or 5 years of racing, my son bought a used riding mower so he could mow lawns to make some money. That's clue #1: If you work, you get rewarded (read: paid). He eventually saved enough to buy a new one. One day he said to me "Dad, I want to buy a cart to tow behind the mower so I can carry rakes and stuff. The cart has small wheels, but the old riding mower has big knobby ones like my new mower. I think we can cut the fenders on the cart and make them fit. Do you want to give me a hand?" That's clue #2: He knew that you can build and modify things to fit your needs. Tools are fun. Building is satisfying.
My point here is you need to motivate them and the best way to do that is to first, find something that sparks their interest, and second, withhold that activity if they take it for granted and don't put any effort into it.
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On 4/7/2016 12:04 PM, DerbyDad03 wrote:

It's probably too late for that sort of thing for the 19 yr old. There's probably still hope for the 12 year old for that approach.
--
Maggie

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On Thursday, April 7, 2016 at 1:11:36 PM UTC-4, Muggles wrote:

I didn't see the ages until after I posted.
However, for the most part the concept still applies, although with a 19 YO he will need to find a more "adult" activity, like coaching, mentoring, etc. Perhaps the 19 YO could be the "parent" for the 12 YO in an activity. I've seen older siblings supporting their younger ones in all sorts of activities.
Many organizations, even the AASBD, need more help than can be supplied by just the participating families. Finding something constructive for a 19YO can be extremely beneficial.
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"DerbyDad03" wrote in message
On Wednesday, April 6, 2016 at 11:40:31 PM UTC-4, Harold R wrote:

My suggestion: Soap Box Derby Racing. This is just an example, it's up to you figure out what activity your kids will like. It's the concept that matters.
***MAPS, BROOMs, and RAGS clean the house you worthless shit** NO PHONEs, NO IPADs, NO BOOM BOXs, NO TVs
Contact your local (or closest) chapter of the AASBD and find out who runs the program. You could start at the top and work your way down:
http://www.soapboxderby.org/
All 4 of my kids were involved in Derby racing. They all knew that if they didn't help with the cars *and with chores around the house* they didn't race. If they didn't race, they didn't get to hang out with all the new friends that they made from across the country.
You want to motivate a kid? Tell him that his 3 siblings are going to spend the weekend 3 states over, hanging out by the hotel pool with 20 or 30 other racers for 2 nights while he stays home and thinks about the concept of being rewarded for putting in effort.
If they embrace that concept, it will spread across all aspects of their lives. They'll have tools in their hands. They'll build and fix things. They'll know that it takes effort to be rewarded and that working hard pays off. I've seen this work with literally thousands of kids over our 13 year racing career.
I was 100% sure that it had sunk in when this happened:
After 4 or 5 years of racing, my son bought a used riding mower so he could mow lawns to make some money. That's clue #1: If you work, you get rewarded (read: paid). He eventually saved enough to buy a new one. One day he said to me "Dad, I want to buy a cart to tow behind the mower so I can carry rakes and stuff. The cart has small wheels, but the old riding mower has big knobby ones like my new mower. I think we can cut the fenders on the cart and make them fit. Do you want to give me a hand?" That's clue #2: He knew that you can build and modify things to fit your needs. Tools are fun. Building is satisfying.
My point here is you need to motivate them and the best way to do that is to first, find something that sparks their interest, and second, withhold that activity if they take it for granted and don't put any effort into it.
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On Wednesday, April 6, 2016 at 10:40:31 PM UTC-5, Harold R wrote:

My father was a DIYer and always expected me to help around the house and h elp him with repairs. As a result, I grew up thinking I can handle most any project around the house. My 30 yo daughter learned from me too and tackle s stuff on her own in her condo. She took apart her kitchen sink drain, rep laced a disposer, painted her place, assembled KD furniture, etc. Saves ton s of money when you can do that stuff yourself.
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