Can you guys get your teen kids to work with you around the house?

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I can't get my teenage son or daughter to work with me around the house.
They're missing out on a lot, 'cuz they won't learn.
I guess I brought 'em up wrong, but, they're good kids (otherwise).
Anyway, just wondering if you have hints?
I can force them, of course, and I can pay them, of course, but they don't even "like" working around the house.
I'm talking things like cleaning the pool, mowing the lawn, fixing the pumps, raking the leaves, etc.
Do you have any tricks and suggestions?
I guess I should make it "fun" but some of these things aren't really fun (like weeding) no matter what I can think of.
Just wondering if you have suggestions.
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On Thu, 7 Apr 2016 03:40:27 -0000 (UTC), Harold R

Well, are they just barely teens, or older teens?
What is your usual method of discipline?
What motivates them, and what life skills do they lack?
--
Maggie

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Muggles wrote:

Are you old enough (don't answer , rhetorical) to remember the grasshopper/ant cartoon where the g'hopper goes around singin' "Oh the world owes me a livin' "? The kids these days have been indoctrinated to expect that . From Big Brother <spit> .
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wrote:

Hmm Seems like that cartoon sounds familiar.
If a father wants to try to teach his kids, he can only try to do what he can. With the right tools he may actually succeed, even.
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Muggles wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 00:02:28 -0500 ...

They do seem to be interested, but only in the first few minutes.
I think their attention span is no longer than 10 minutes.
And, well, there's not a whole lot you can do in 10 minutes.
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wrote:

Hmm Seems like that cartoon sounds familiar.
If a father wants to try to teach his kids, he can only try to do what he can. With the right tools he may actually succeed, even.
--
Maggie

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Terry Coombs wrote ... on Wed, 06 Apr 2016 23:38:42 -0500 ...

I don't ever tell the kids that they owe me anything other than respect and that they must respect the family.
I was hoping they'd figure out how to help out on their own.
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Muggles wrote ... on Wed, 06 Apr 2016 23:21:33 -0500 ...

One is 19, the other 12.

Discipline? I don't think that applies here, since this is volunteer work. But discipline is almost never anything more than a reprimand. Never have they ever been hit. Never have we had to punish them other than to perhaps ground the older one for a day or two and withhold things they care about for a short period of time (classic TEASPOT method that everyone is taught in child psychology).

One is on the computer 24/7 and the other is on the phone 24/7. One kills aliens day after day after day, while the other fusses over her hair and nails and clothes.
Typical stuff. Very typical stuff.
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On 04/07/2016 01:12 AM, Harold R wrote:

My kid grew up a lot better than I did but we did go through an interesting phase.
I gave her a small allowance for doing chores around the house.
One day, she stopped doing the chores, so rather than get in a huge fight with her, I just stopped giving her the allowance.
All was fine for about a year...then one day she told me that her friends get an allowance...and she wondered why she did not.
I reminded her of the reason and we never had a problem with that since.
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philo wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 04:56:18 -0500 ...

I do give 'em $10 an hour when I *really* want them to learn something.
That works, but they watch the clock like a hawk.
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Harry,
Have you discussed this with your wife? If you are not a "united front" then you won't succeed. How old are the kids and what chores are they already responsible for? If the kids won't work with you, will they work with your spouse? Who feeds and takes care of the pets?
Dave M.
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David L. Martel wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 09:28:20 -0400 ...

The wife doesn't care about it.
I don't understand how women do anything sometimes. I know that sounds sexist, but they can't "fix" a thing. For them, it's throw away and buy new or pay some guy to do it for them.
So she's not with the program.
The kids are 12 and 19.
They don't really have any "chores" per se.
No pets though.
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On 04/07/2016 9:07 AM, Harold R wrote: ...

...
The battle is lost almost irretrievably I'd wager altho perhaps the 12 yo may have some chance to modify behavior if the 19 yo is soon not around off to school or on own.
We never let kids have all the cell phones and "stuff"; there's no possibility they would ever be allowed to spend their days doing nothing but video games and the like; chores were always expected from the time were able to walk could carry a napkin to the table or something to "help" (even if it ended up as more effort to assist than net work gained, often).
As for yard work, and all, there was no "like" or "interest" needed; again, it was expected.
One does not do them a service by not setting expectations and teaching a work ethic, but if it's not begun early, patterns are set and then become exceedingly difficult to break.
I feel your pain but the situation was built from the start...
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dpb posted for all of us...

+1 (Although I have no kids) They may be too far gone... I suspect the 19 is driving, so that is your crutch, the 13 is the phone. Gather the family around the table and explain (without judgment or anger) that the bux are going to stop unless you get their cooperation. You can blame economic times or age or whatever-that society changes as one grows older and this is part of it. New day at the ranch. Take the gas card away and the phone. Not as punishment as incentive. They are looking to their parents as examples. You have to provide the guidance, otherwise they will turn out to be slackers like protesters in NYC. Can't remember the name of them...
I don't know what demographic area you live in but their peers will put pressure on them. Remember they are probably doing acts which you don't condone so you will have a uphill battle. Get your wife on board. The way I was brought up was that was expected to help and get a job. It was ingrained by my parents.
--
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On 4/6/2016 11:40 PM, Harold R wrote:

I might have gotten my sons to help if I did it with them but things I told them to do like cutting grass was like pulling teeth and easier to do myself.
Eldest son surprised me on his second marriage where his father in law taught him to do more things than I had ever attempted myself.
So my advice is get them to work with you but not on their own.
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Frank wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 10:01:03 -0400 ...

Actually, the whole question was about getting them to work "with" me.
I don't really want them to work on their own. Sure, they can, but the question was about fixing stuff, like putting brakes on or mounting tires or mowing the lawn or repairing things.
Most things that need to be repaired need to be diagnosed,and they get bored in just a few minutes of diagnosis.
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You need to get the cute girl next door to tell him things like "Wow, you know how to do that sort of stuff? That is so cool!"
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On 4/7/2016 9:08 AM, Harold R wrote:

Everyone has some good advice to offer that I've read so far, but the problem is how do you implement something that'll work for your 2 kids. One is an adult male teen, and the other is a young girl teen and what works for one won't work for the other.
I'd suggest you sit them both down and let them know the rules are going to change along with what will be expected from them. Once you set the rules there will be consequences if they either won't/can't abide by the rules. Stop paying your own kids $10 an hour to do chores in the home they live in. Tell them they are getting room and board and food every day and if they want to eat and have a comfortable place to live, they'll contribute to the daily needs of the household.
For example: For the 19 year old, it's your house, you pay the bills, and therefore his video games are no longer allowed - confiscate them and let him know since he's an adult that he's expected to get a job and pay you some rent. If he balts at that idea explain that he's an adult and it's time for reality lessons. He needs to begin supporting himself, paying rent, and helping around the house with specific chores. You're his father and love him, but at the same time it isn't love to allow an adult child to just sit around all day playing video games. He's grown up now and life is tough and it's time he learns what it'll be like if and when he's on his own so he might as well get a taste of supporting himself, now, when you're there to assist him in learning the best ways of doing it.
If your 19 yo son refuses, let him know he's welcome to move out and have a taste of what real life will serve up to him if he's not prepared, otherwise, you won't be providing him free room and board anymore. OR, come up with some other consequence that WILL make him uncomfortable enough to get up off his lazy butt and grow up and learn about real life. It won't be easy for you to lay down the law, but if you don't he could be living with you for the rest of his life sponging off of you will no real life skills to support himself. That isn't love if you let your son sit and play video games all day and not set down rules and expectations for him to rise up to be a real man.
Your 12 year old daughter needs a wake up call, too, but you have more time to get through to her, but your daughter will try to manipulate you in order to get her way and anything she wants from you. After all, she's daddy's little girl. Set down rules for her that are age appropriate like pulling weeds in the yard, doing laundry, cooking meals, working side by side with you so you can teach her how to change the oil in a car so she'll know how to take care of a car when she's old enough to own one.
REQUIRE both of them to learn life skills - take away their electronic toys and make them EARN those privileges. You're their father - not their sugar daddy. If they get out in the real world not having any real life skills they'll just come back home when things get rough and live off of mom and dad til you're too old to support them any more. Allowing them to become those sorts of people doesn't do them any good. Real life is tough and they need to learn if they don't pull their own weight life will knock them down and they might not get back up.
That's just a few things I can think of ... My 3 kids are full grown all living on their own, now. When we were raising them teaching them life lessons was an every day thing, and they had to earn the "wants" in life.
--
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Muggles posted for all of us...

+1 I hadn't read this prior to my posting but it echoes every point I was trying to make.
Are the kids going to college or other schooling? What are they interested in? Don't be fooled by the candidates saying they will get a free education. If they are going you will have to have DEEP pockets.
--
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Tekkie® wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 14:55:22 -0400 ...

School is taken care of with a 529 plan.
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