An ice storm check in call

[Oren]

Anything happen on the third day?

[Stormin Mormon]

Sunday Dec 16, 2007

Awoke with a flutter of anticipation in my breast. My heart beat with anticipation, I strode purposefully to the windows, and looked searching for evidence of calamity and destruction. Looking out the side of my trailer, I spotted the neighbors car. There was a dusting of snow on top. Surely, there must be more.

Sofly, silently I slid to the front window of the trailer, and tried to focuss my nearsighted peepers out the glazed double pane glass. But what was to be seen? Hark! Is it in the distance! Do mine eyes deceive me? It is.... a trace of snow on the step across the street. I polish my concave optical ajusters, and wipe the traces of sleep out of mine eyes. I pour a large jolt of caffeinated sode, and add a couple ice cubes. With intentness of purpose, I slug down large ammounts of BHA, BHT, MSG, carmelized sugars, dissolved processed sugar, and a heart palpitating dose of caffeine, to get the poor tired circulation running.

With the greatest of courage, I ponder the question of checking the thermometer. One moment, I shall muster up all the strenth I have. A pause, I bow my head and offer praises to the Great God of the Universe for preserving me through the night in warmth and health. I gird up my bathrobe, and wish for warm woolen socks on my feet within my slippers. Courage, Christopher, Courage! Remember the handcart pioneers who crossed the plains with rags tied around their feet, and only burlap feed bags for shoes. Leaving drops of blood in every step as their feet froze. I pondered the matter, and gave thanks to be in a warm trailer, and hearing the furnace running in the other room.

With anxiety and fear, I fixed my eyes on the blue alcohol thermometer which reads the outdoor temperature. Slowly scanning up from the bottom of the tube, I find the top of the blue alcohol, and read across to the numbers. It is 21F degrees outside. Cold enough, dear reader, to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. It is among the coldest we've experienced in ages. Bitter bone numbing cold, far colder even that last night when it was 15F out, oh, well, maybe not.

In the spirit of my warrior ancestors, I picked up a long wooden stick. Fearing nothing, I set my jaw, and resolved to face what ever the world had. Would I survive to write of the occasion? Would this be my last action on Earth? Are the Gods of the universe prepared to receive my mortal soul? And in the warrior tradition, I unlocked the front door, and pushed open the storm door. I plunged the snow shovel (marked in inches) into the snow, and focussed my sadly nearsighted eyes on the indications marked on the blade of my formidable weapon of weather warrior. My lance, my broadsword, my weapon of no mercy plunged to the depth of the snow, leaving no room for any quarrel, or resistance. The sharpened steel edge cut effortlessly, making a wide path for the thin, stamped, corrugated aluminum mass produced blade that was purchased at Kmart, for public use. One by one, the magic marker numbers fell from sight, as the sharp steel blade sliced viciously into my mortal enemy. Would I survive this contact, or would I be before sunset laying dead on the ground, a victim of heart attack snow? Would I live long enough to father children, raise the next generation, and continue the proud Young name, fighters to the end? Would I be privileged to pass on the traditions of the family? The five day work week, the puttering around the home, the table napkin folded neatly on the laps of children eating with their elbows off the table? The drinking glass ahead and to the right, the fork on the left, knife and spoon on the right, with the knife facing the plate?

With a mighty battle roar, I fearlessly plunged deeper and deeper. My steel cut into my foe, there is no turning back. It is do or die. I must be victorious, there is no life in defeat. There is no honor in retreat. My battle roar echoes off the storm door, and into my furnace heated living room. My sword has reached bone, the enemy lays lifeless before my steel. I look with a proud victorious gaze, on the defeated enemy which lays flat and lifeless and silently on the ground before me. I am victorious, I live to fight another day.

I have just plunged my blade into 2 3/4 inches of heavy wet snow. I am WARRIOR!!!! FEAR ME!!!!

Now, I'd best get some breakfast, and get dressed. Got to get the snow blower out.

[Noahbuddy]

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in news:4765265d$0$2322$ [e-mail]:

Yup! Thanks for the laugh.

[Stormin Mormon]

Hey, you're not supposed to laugh at the mighty warrior. Now my feelings are hurt.

[Stormin Mormon]

Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk

[Noahbuddy]

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in news:47656617$0$7134$ [e-mail]:

oh, eh, ummm, thanks for the big warrior story. yay, warrior!!!