a rubber band for the quiet room

[J Burns]

The quiet room in my house has only one seat. I find this discourages idle chatter, which makes it an excellent place to ponder.

As I ponder, something inevitably occurs to me that I want to get on paper right away. I keep perforated stationary in a holder beside the seat.

The holder is a spring-loaded wooden roller between two ceramic arms. It's a classic design, possibly dating back to Seth Wheeler's 1891 invention of perforated wrapping paper (patent # US465588 A).

For 35 years I've been plagued with an inconvenience: sometimes when I tear off a piece of stationary, it continues to unwind all the way to the floor.

Eureka! I looped a rubber band around the knob at one end of the roller, ran it along the roller, and looped it around the knob at the other end. Now friction keeps the stationary from unwrapping on its own. I predict that my discovery will make it practical for millions of Americans to begin using perforated stationary in their quiet rooms. I'm going to buy stock in the companies that produce it.

Well, I'm off to my quiet room. I don't like to ponder in my computer chair.

[Guv Bob]

Sounds brilliant, JB! Can you post a video on youtube, complete with sound?

[Tegger]

J Burns wrote in news:luo7f9$36d$ [e-mail]:

You found a way to keep your stationery stationary?

Stationery = paper Stationary = motionless. Different words.

[J Burns]

I see you like to ponder, too. Before British homes had quiet rooms, a shop that sold rolls of perforated paper was usually located outside the gates of a university because so much pondering occurred within. Medieval scholars, they called such a shopkeeper a stationarius and his product stationary.

A Norman nobleman would call such a shop a stacion d'servise: i.e., a place to have paper streamers applied to his lance, his horse, and his helmet while he sat down to take a rest. They called the product stationery, but they meant the kind that would unwind on its own.

[Stormin Mormon]

We'll make a TV show about it, and it will be station airy.

Sounds like a totally needed invention.

[Tegger]

J Burns wrote in news:lup0t8$f0m$ [e-mail]:

I do indeed.

I also like to take walks, so I wander while I ponder.

I'll bet they also wandered as they pondered.

They called his product motionless? Well, I suppose that would make sense, since stationery is stationary unless motivated by some external agent, such as wind, or your dog.

If it unwound on its own, then it would not be stationary.

[Tegger]

Stormin Mormon wrote in news:T8WPv.128376$FY2.75441 @fx07.iad:

When will it be on the air?

[J Burns]

So do bears. Some hikers wear bells on their clothing to avoid encounters and carry pepper spray as a last resort.

I look for any sign that a bear has been wandering and pondering in the area. If it contains berries and squirrel fur, that was a black bear. If it contains bells and smells like pepper, that was a grizzly.

[Tegger]

J Burns wrote in news:lutg68$1k2$ [e-mail]:

I just carry hot-pepper sauce.

First I rip the bear to shreds with my bare hands (after which he becomes stationary), then I roast the choicest bits and season with hot-pepper sauce.

I recommend El Yucateco "Salsa Kutbil-ik de" Mayan-recipe hot sauce. It is very good.

[J Burns]

Aren't you afraid he'll rip you to shreds with his bear hands?

I have a portable stationery shredder (which I use to shred my portable stationary before somebody wanders off with it while I'm pondering). Would that work?

Instead of shredding, did you ever try poached bear?

Red, green or brown: which kind? I want the one that tastes like Texas Pete Hotter Hot Sauce.

[Tegger]

J Burns wrote in news:lutk4c$o0j$ [e-mail]:

Just bearly.

If the bare will fit through the slot, yes.

Pulled bear. It's like pulled pork, only more dangerous.

The brown kind.

That's probably the red kind; it's not hot enough, so I go through too much of it.