This is a thread destined to be flamed. So be it.
Dear PETA,
Don't read this.
onward.
I have squirrels (oh yes, those cutesy little scamps running around with nuts in their mouths climbing trees and spreading glee throughout the land) that are not only digging up my brand new seedlings but terrorizing the pots they reside in as well. So far they have killed at least ten burgeoning plants. No more. I'm going walking tall on these punks very soon if I can't get some advice. (please).
So, without further adieu here is my question:
What is a safe and relatively easy alternative to preventing these bastards from eating my seedlings (and digging into the soil)?
My first thought isn't safe- it involves a competition .22 with hot ammo and a spray of blood so fanning that it will look like the skies are raining death. Locked, cocked, and ready for squirrel.
These bastards taunt me. Sitting high-and-mighty in *my* trees which I let them hang out in. They stare at me- they know me- I'm their maker- the one they may meet. They casually dance through the branches and always get away of course. But, from the bullet? Not so much.
So with the secondary intention of actually saving these, ahem, a- holes, can someone please recommend a safe solution to either preventing them from eating my greens?
If necessary I will build a squirrel sanctuary. One with plenty of weeds and expensive organic soil for them to dig through- sort of like a bat house. They can sit there fancy-free and munch away at things that nobody cares about. I will provide them a steady supply of nuts during the winter and even crack them for them to not damage their teeth. I will provide yearly dental checkups just in case. I will warm their squirrel house's with a nice warm incandescent glow so they may dine together on things OTHER THAN MY PLANTS.
Thank your your your attention to this pressing matter.