I hate grass

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Ah, g'day... my name is Eddie Luck and I'm a gardener!
In my garden I have no grass. There are two little boys who live next door and they hate me. They call me fat old man and throw their tennis balls in my garden just so they can steal my chokos and throw them on the ground.
They call my garden a desert. One of the boys is called Johnny and once I grabbed him and tortured him in my shed. I forced him to drink Roundup. He found my pile of dead magpies and he called the police. I hate that boy. One day I'm going to hurt him seriously.
There used to be lots of trees in my backyard but I chopped them all down, and spray Roundup on the bare ground every week to make sure it is all dead. I also go over the ground with my rotary hoe until every clump is smashed into dust.
I have a few rows of vegetables, mostly pumpkins and tomatoes. I water them with greywater and the leaves get covered in muck and undissolved soap powder. Last year was the first time I got an edible pumpkin. It was nearly as big as an apple and I shared it with Surveillance.
Surveillance is my wife and she wears a blue and white dress. She's really fat too because we eat pork almost exclusively. Pork is really good for you and we eat a lot. We blend the fat into a refreshing cold drink too. I have the recipe if you want it.
I have to go now. Surveillance has detected Johnny in my backyard getting his cricket ball. I'm going to hurt him really badly.
Eddie
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On Thu, 22 Jan 2004 01:49:03 +0000, Eddie Luck wrote:

At least you should have some ornamental grasses to carry your garden through the seasons. Piet Outdolf has a great book: Gardening with Grasses. He uses grasses and then plugs the holes with perennials and surprises.
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- Tallahassee, FL - Apples and Oranges: A Demonstration -- Welcome to Hooterville! Population: 2000. Elevation: 3000. Established: 1850. TOTAL = 6850 -- Bob Lilienfield
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On Wed, 21 Jan 2004 21:31:15 -0500, Jim Lewis wrote:

Methinks you are right. Pass the bong.
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I'm just curious.... why are you guys encouraging a TROLL?
DKat
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boredom? fun poking sticks at the animal? <gbseg> maddie

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I don't suppose you ever saw "Men on the Side"? I highly recommend it. My favorite line in it is "Don't tease the animals!" but it will only bring a BG to your face if you have seen the film... DKat

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isn't that the one with Whoopi and ?? (CRS here............) where one wound up pregnant, boyfriend dead, desert, etc? maddie

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Yes. Whoopi Goldberg, Mary-Louise Parker and Drew Barrymore (with Matthew McConaughey playing the super straight boyfriend that Drew ends up with after he gets her sent her to jail for accidently being responsible for 1st boyfriends death). A very funny tear jerker. DKat

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Just be careful what animals you poke, these two are the real deal.
--
Ann, Gardening in zone 6a
Just south of Boston, MA
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expounded:

which two are the real deal and where did I lose you at the bakery?? (old schitt skit between Rowen and Martin as spys and Dick appears to have gotten the fast and distinct directions and he asks him if he got it and Dick tells him..."I lost you at the bakery" and of course there was NO bakery............<EG> but which two are the real deal, and why am I lost??~ maddie

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I got yer message thru Squire's computer, Ann. received and noted. nuff said. (Squire isn't speaking to me about the problems with my own computer so it might be ages before you hear from me again :( maddie)
expounded:

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I HATE GRASS TOO!! I think it is a crime to grow one plant in such huge population- It should be even a bigger crime to use all sorts of fertilisers to help grow!
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Eddie Luck wrote:

Snif... That was beautiful, Eddie! Brought a tear to my nose! I especially liked the paragraph about the Pork and wondered whether you'd be so kind as to post the recipe for your cool, refreshing, rendered fat drink? Something we'd all love to share, I'm sure!
Please give our best regards to dear Surveillance! Perhaps in the New Year she might shop for a new dress? I'm sure she's a vision of loveliness, either way.
Cheers!
--
Trish
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
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door
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G'Day Trish!
Thank you for your sweet words.
Recipe for Refreshing Pork Beverage
1 cup pork fat 1/2 cup methylated spirits 1/2 cup crushed ice
Place all ingredients into blender. Blend ingredients thoroughly until spirits have permeated mixture and pork fat is homogenized with wet ingredients. Serve with a slice of lemon. Ideal after a hard day's work or as an icy treat after the kids have gone to bed. Share it with your lover.
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Hey pork chop,
I bet you spent quite a bit of your useless life smoking grass and abusing yourself huffing pesticides!!!
Would recommend that you grow spiny cactus in your desert garden but you seem so antisocial that you probably even hate prickly pears just because of the name!!

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Cereoid, it's best to leave Trish and Eddie to themselves. they're busy baiting trolls..............

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well that was creative and refreshing. You could do better if you watched Fear Factor.................... maddie

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Oh Lucky Eddie, You are truelly blessed to have neighbours who steal your chokos! Here where live, once the chokos start to ripen, when we walk to the shops we hide our shopping bags from view in case a neighbour rushes out to force another 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 etc) on us as we walk \ run \ sneak past. Little do they realise that the bulge in my pocket does not reflect my joy to see them, it's just the bloody choko that I insist that anyone leaving my house must take with them in case they strike a stranger / tourist / drunk that they can con into accepting the green grenades.
China 'Goa Way' Wingham NSW
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wrote:

The zucchini of the southern hemisphere? Call it chayote or christophene, and market to the rest of the world. :-)
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