Weird Cucumbers

I have the weirdest cukes this year. I've gardened for 20 years or so and never had this happen but this is my first year gardening in Louisiana so I suppose there is a lot to learn.
I have a lot of cucumbers this year but they all seem to be odd. They either grow from tiny, gherkin size to HUGE yellow things literally overnight or they have crooked, small necks and then larger bodies. I have no clue what is behind this but I'm having a devil of a time getting any good cukes out of the tons and tons produced. Even having them turn yellow isn't killing the vines and that's weird too.
Anyone got any ideas?
Loki
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It might be the way they are being watered?

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