I was out in the pumpkin patch last weekend. I thought I'd picked all the p
umpkins and squash out of that area but the cold weather here in Maryland h
ad killed off a lot of the weeds. This exposed a nice pumpkin, about the si
ze of a basketball, which had been hidden all year by a canopy of weeds and
vines. My wife is going to use that one for our Thanksgiving pumpkin pie.
Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year
old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a
field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse,
Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency
and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way
home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a
pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for
miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a
hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was
really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an
approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy
Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?'
The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was
found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.
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