cologne

[Mystified One]

My son spilled a whole bottle of cologne. The whole house stinks to it. How do I get rid of the smell???

[Choreboy]

Did he spill it on his clothes? I once told my nephews my cologne was Spy Lotion. Whenever they visited, they'd run to the bottle and apply it liberally. Then they'd go home. My SIL never got over the way I encouraged them to stink up her house.

You must bathe your son outdoors in tomato juice and get rid of him for a few weeks. Make him a tent of plastic sheeting. Give him old newspapers to use for bedding. In a few weeks, after all that reeking plastic and paper is at the landfill, you'll be able to laugh about this.